Well it’s another day, I’m back, and for me that’s quite an accomplishment. I seem to have a history of making these insanely impulsive promises to myself in moments of expanded consciousness only to welsh on myself soon thereafter. It’s maddening, really. And depressing.
Just yesterday, for example, I stuck my neck out and made a commitment to sit myself down every day and write a blog. While I was at it I blared it out loud not just to myself but also to you, whoever you are, who is reading this self-confession right now. It is no surprise then that today I awoke after a sleepless night of worrying about whether I’ll pull it off, or if I’ll have anything to say, or if I’ll welsh on myself yet again. It prompts me to ask myself the question, “OMG—What have I done?”
Enter self-doubt. What am I going to do? What am I going to write? How am I going to fill up the blank space of a white screen with anything worth saying or reading? It transports me right back to that day decades ago when I asked myself the same questions and heard the words, “It doesn’t matter. Just write.” So I did. And I loved doing it. It was exhilarating.
Why did I stop? That question boiled down to a one-word answer. Fear. Fear of what? Success? Failure? Embarrassment? Self-exposure? Check all of the above? Whatever it was, it stopped me dead in my tracks and the fruits of those many long hours of writing ended up in the jaws of the neighborhood trash truck.
Well that was then and this is now, and I’m happy to report that I’m a lot whole older and wiser than I was then and now I have reached a point in life where none of the old self-doubts matter much anymore. Hallelujah! Free at last! What a feeling!
Somewhere between now and a rather sleepless night of worry about how I would manage to honor this impulsive, brash recommitment to daily writing and publishing, I felt an inner nudge of encouragement that said, “You can do it. Just do it.” Ahh—the gentle whisper of the Voice.
So here I am again, back at a keyboard facing a blank screen, but this time, I’m not the least bit concerned about what anyone might think. Somewhere deep within I know that finally, finally, I am doing what I am supposed to be doing not just for myself, but also for anyone else who has ever struggled with some of the myriad of obstacles that stand in the way of their realization of joy and happiness.
It’s not just about writing. It’s so much more than that. It’s about the will and desire to move out from behind the shadow of the ego and into the light of Truth that lies within. It is about planting seeds of hope and spreading inspiration and encouraging to my brothers and sisters in this world to have faith that in spite of appearances, everything is going to be all right. Truly, it will.
That said, I bid farewell for today with a promise that I will be back again tomorrow and hope that I will see you then. Before I go though, I must ask myself a question or two.
Did I get it right? Is it perfect? Does it need to be perfect? Does it even matter? No. The only thing that really matters is that today I listened to the whispers of the Voice within and did what I am supposed to do. What about you? Are you listening for the whispers that have the answers to the questions of your heart? Is there something that you can do for yourself today that will make you feel really good about yourself when you go to bed tonight? If not today, then perhaps tomorrow?
Till we meet again, I wish you many blessings of love and peace.
Note: The beautiful image and meme above are courtesy of New Waves of Light (nwol.us).