What’s the Point?

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Some days are just better than others.  Some days I can sit down at the computer and stuff rolls out faster than I can type.  Other days, not so much.  Today is one of those other days.  I keep wanting to compare my life to my jumbled computer filing system, but that’s just bad news and doesn’t work out well.  It’s frustrating.

Friends tell me that during the pandemic, they’ve cleaned out every drawer, every closet in their home.  I, on the other hand, have added to my disorganization by creating a new anthology of computer files thanks to my recent habit of writing a daily blog.  Good luck to me if I want to add a link to something that I wrote days or weeks ago, because I can’t find it.  One of these days I’ll print them all out and stick them in a notebook with some sort of index system.  The whole sorry mess mirrors the closets and drawers of my life that still beg for my attention.  Sigh

Wait—is this the point where my dear friend who was upset with me for not showing myself in a more favorable light might be angry with me again?  Or perhaps is it the point where I might be a little angry with myself?  (See?  A link here would be a really nice touch, wouldn’t it?)

Okay, now I‘m stuck.  Where am I supposed to be going from here?  Is this the moment of panic where I say to myself, “See?  I knew I couldn’t do it!”?  Nope.  Not going there.

Maybe it’s time to have a little chat with myself.  Okay, fine.  So I’m stuck.  It’s not the end of the world. Maybe there’s a reason for stuck.  Is there a point to all of this go-nowhere jabber?  Am I missing something?

Oh—I get it.  Maybe the point is that I don’t always have to know what I’m doing, or what is going on, but it’s okay, because that’s life.  Maybe the point is that there doesn’t always have to be a point to everything, or that there may be one, but I just may not see it.  Maybe my only job is to let life flow without having to control the outcome, or have an opinion about everything, and just let it be whatever it is.  Maybe I’m just supposed to be the observer, the one who sits back, watches, and accepts without judging, who forgives and loves unconditionally.

I like it.  That kind of a life would work for me—a-let-go-let-God sort of an existence.  Maybe I just need to have enough faith, enough trust in the process to know that it’s all okay, whatever it is.  Pollyanna?  Maybe.  But isn’t that a better existence than stressing out over every cluttered closet or lost computer file, or guys who run around with M-14’s because they don’t want to wear masks?

Maybe it’s time to practice equanimity and work on seeking  a balance between being and doing (Be-Do).  I can be Pollyanna and still clean up a few computer files along the way.  I can shift my focus from fear to love.  I can have a little faith, trust myself, and add a link.  And I did.  Yay me.  It’s a start.  Just start.  Maybe that’s the point.

Note:  The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).

The Bridge from Then to Now

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There was a time when I thought it might be kind of fun to be a columnist.  It was an intriguing notion, but there seemed to be just one little problem.  It turns out that it was me.  Imagine that!

The problem was that I had this idea that there was no way that I could ever, in my wildest dreams or imagination possibly conjure up the wherewithal, the way, the wits, determination, self-discipline, the inspiration, the creativity to crank out a column on a regular basis.  Oh, the pressure!  The very thought scared me to death.  No sir.  No column for me.  I packed that thought away and slipped it into the recesses of memory along with all of my other fanciful dreams and aspirations.  But that was then.

And this is now.  Today, I am awake at o’dark thirty, sitting with my trusty computer on my lap cranking out a blog for the 37th day in a row, sorting through a never ending flow of words, possibilities, and ideas that compete to show up on the page.

This is a stunning turn of events.  However in the world did such a thing happen, I wonder?

What have I learned between then and now?  What has changed?  I guess it’s me.  Wait—what am I saying?  Of course it’s me.

There are about 200 more words left to write before I close the computer clamshell on today’s blog.  How can I answer such a profound question in so few words?  How do you cram a lifetime of personal growth in a couple of hundred of words or less?

If I had to put it in a word—literally, one word—it would be listen.  Or maybe three words—listen, listen, listen.

I have always known that there is a still, small, quiet Voice within that is a whole lot smarter than I am.  A spirit, a soul, a guide, or whatever one may want to call it.

But like a stubborn teenager, I have rebelled and refused to listen.  I have gone off on merry toots thinking that I knew what’s right, good, and best for me, until I fall flat on my face and realize that maybe I was wrong.  The prodigal daughter surrenders and returns—at least for a while, until the next time.  But the voice waits patiently, ever there, to forgive and embrace me as I reenter the fold and  I repent, sorry to have so rudely kept this kind helper waiting for me to get over myself.  Countless times, I have left the fold, made my mistakes, then returned home.

Finally, finally, I have learned the wisdom of listening to the Voice that is a whole lot smarter than I am, the Voice that tells me the Truth about me, rather than the lies I tell to myself, the Voice that says yes you can instead of the one that says no you can’t.

Somehow through my years of trial and error, of listening and not, I have crossed the bridge between then and now and finally landed here in my Lazygirl writing the 37th blog du jour.  Who would have thought?

If I had it to do all over again, I would have listened more.  Listened sooner.  Listened to the Voice that knows a whole lot more about me than I do.  I highly recommend it.  It will take you to better places than you can ever imagine for yourself.

Note:  The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).

To Do or Not to Do

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Yesterday’s blog was all about setting priorities for post-pandemic life New Normal.  Then as if on cue, I received a You Tube video (see link below)  from my friend Pamela for the folks in her exercise for seniors class.  Perfect!  Just the incentive I needed to get up out of my Lazygirl and get moving.

Before diving in head first, of course, I had to see what I was in for, so I sat and watched for all of ten minutes before I had to turn it off due to sheer exhaustion.  How does she do that?  Where does she get all that energy?  The Jane Fonda of Seniors.

Well duh.  She does it because she does it.  Obviously, there was a point in her life where she simply decided to do it, so she did it.  She works out.  I watch.  The good news is that my ten-minute excursion into Exercise by Voyeurism sent me off on another round of self-exploration.

I’ve always been better at dropping bad habits than adopting good ones.   Clearly, I’m better at passive activity (is that an oxymoron?) like not smoking, not drinking, and not watching TV than I am at the stuff I have to do—the aggressive stuff, like changing my diet, exercising, meditating, building good habits.  I guess that my lazy nature simply prefers the not doing to the doing.

But in keeping with yesterday’s venture into creating a new game plan for post-pandemic life, a balance between doing and being was high on the list, right up there with exercise and time management.   Hmm.  I guess it’s no accident that Pamela’s video landed in my inbox when it did.

I am happy to say that today marks the one-month anniversary of my commitment to write and publish a daily blog.  One month!  That’s pretty doggoned miraculous for a reluctant doer like myself, I’d say.  Kudos to me.

As Pamela keeps on exercising, I keep on writing—at least for now.  Her dedication fuels mine.  It gives me the incentive to keep on keeping on and to do whatever I can to improve daily, not just writing, but my life in its entirety, even if requires getting out of my Lazygirl and shaking my booty.   Rats.  Oh wait—I can do it joyfully, or I can do it grudgingly.  Always my choice, right?

Today I’m going take a stab at exercising, even if I last less than five minutes.  Today, I added fuel to my writing fire by ordering a book by fellow blogger Jessica Davidson (Free Your Pen Website). Today, I will do my best to do whatever is before me to do.  As I persevere, I’ll get stronger and last longer by strengthening muscles, both physical and spiritual.  The more I do, the more I can do.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life and there’s a whole lot of doing and being yet to be done.  Today I will celebrate that I woke up this morning and that I have another day in which to do it.  Today, I will give thanks for it all.  Including the exercise.

PS:  Link to Pamela’s video:  https://youtu.be/MUBPOa6P8IQ

PPS:  To all of you beautiful life giving nurturers out there, Happy Mother’s Day, with love!

 Note:  The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).

Are You in the Audience?

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If you ask me what I am grateful for today, I have a one word answer.  It’s you.

Yes, youYou who are taking the time to read these words, you who are consistent faithful readers, you who are fellow bloggers whom I’ve never met, you who are friends and family I know so well, you who write comments and push the Follow and Like buttons.  Yes.  It’s youyou who I think about every day with great gratitude in my heart for just being here, you who forgive my misuse of who and whom’s.

Writing is a solitary job.  It often feels as if I am sitting blindfolded on a dark stage playing to an unseen audience who sit in chairs wondering what to expect and why they came.  As I send work out into the blogosphere headed toward unknown destinations, it is impossible to know if anyone is out there reading.  Push the button, let the chips fall where they may, let the results be whatever they are.

Artists have an advantage over writers, because works of art require only a momentary glance to be appreciated, but for writers, it’s different.  Reading requires an investment of  time, energy, and effort.  For this reason, I am all the more grateful to you for your willingness to sit and read, rather than glance and walk away.

I can only guess at your motive for reading.  Perhaps it is because you are a loyal friend offering support and encouragement.  Or perhaps you are a fellow blogger in search of food to fuel the fire of your own inner passion.  Or perhaps you resonate with some of my life experiences because they are similar to your own.

Perhaps like me, you have a desire to transform your world and your life into something better, to join in consciousness to create a mighty force of love to move higher up the ladder toward a vision of yourself and of a new world.  Or perhaps you are drawn for a multiplicity of reasons obscure to your conscious mind.  Perhaps. Perhaps not. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

I love you guys.  I hope that you will drop by and say hi once in awhile by pressing the Follow or Like button or share your thoughts in the comments section.  Be forewarned—it can take a bit of determination and perseverance to comment on WordPress, but then, isn’t life just like that sometimes?

If you’re looking for a bottom line, here it is: you feed my soul.  Your presence fills up the black hole of space in an auditorium full of empty seats.  I truly, truly do appreciate you and I offer silent blessings when I know that you’ve stopped by for a read.

As a small girl once said to her amused audience when she accepted a grand award, “I thank you from my bottom to my top.”  Well said.

Note:  The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).

Give Us This Day Our Daily Blog

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Every morning I nestle down with my coffee and trusty laptop to start the day by hoping and praying that the Voices du jour will just show up on the page with little or no effort from me.  Sometimes it works that way, and sometimes it doesn’t.  Why is that, I wonder?

Perhaps it is a mirror of my life reflected in the experiences that proved easy—finding the perfect home, job, roommate at the perfect time—and those that were difficult, like marriages and finances.  Occasionally, there were times in my life when I was stopped dead in my tracks from moving in a direction that I thought I wanted to go.  I look back with gratitude for those aborted missions, for in hindsight I can see that they would have proven devastatingly painful had I tried to force the issue and succeeded in my efforts.

Day after day as I sit down with my coffee and laptop, I ask myself why I have made this commitment to publish Voices every day.  I drown in an ocean of answers that flood my brain and threaten to drag me down into the undertow of fear and confusion.  Then suddenly, I am catapulted to the surface long enough to see the sunlight and catch a breath of willingness and courage to carry on, regardless of how uplifting or difficult the effort might be.

Even now, in the midst of a patch of fear and confusion, my heart beats with joy at the thought of how much there is to be gained.  I have agreed to enter an institute of higher learning where the question of why will be answered.  It will take time, it will take patience, it will take courage and willingness.

I have no idea where the path will lead but I am looking forward to the journey.  I suspect that there will be an ocean full of lessons, challenges, questioning, tests, frustrations, joys, and eternal why questions, but one day I will be able to look back in hindsight and say, “Oh.  That’s why.”

I would enjoy having some traveling companions along the way and would be delighted if you would  join me for a bird’s eye view of what goes on in the world of a serious Truth seeker in my practice of listening for the quiet whispers of the soul.  And I would love hearing your thoughts and musings as you travel with me.  Please share!

Meanwhile, I fully intend work hard and be the best student that I can be.  As always, it will be good for me to remember that it’s not about the destination, but rather about the journey.

Such an adventure!  Y’all wanna come along for the ride?

Note:  The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).

The Road to Somewhere

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The thing that amazes me about this daily writing gig is that it starts as nothing and ends up as something.  Sit in chair, computer on lap, fingers on keys, nothing.  Here we go again, what now?  Sigh.  Sometimes it feels like a mighty struggle, and sometimes fingers fly and the thing just writes itself.  I prefer the latter, but today feels more like a struggle.

Why is that, I wonder?  I start off headed in one direction and end up wandering down a path that leads to an unknown destination.  It helps to have a goal in mind lest I find myself traveling blindly down a road toward an end that I did not seek to find.  But hey—maybe that’s not always a bad thing.  Maybe it was meant to be, who knows?

Come to think of it, my life has been a lot like that.  Kind of a go-with-the-flow, seat-of-the-pants adventure.  It is comforting to know that whatever happens and wherever I land, there is always good news, for there is experience to be gained and lessons to be learned.  Classroom Earth offers an amazing curriculum, perfectly timed and tailored to suit each individual need.  No road traveled is a waste because eventually it will lead back to the destination, even if the destination may seem obscure at any given time.  Sort of like today’s gig.  I’ll get there eventually, even if I don’t exactly know where is.  All I need is just a little faith.

If I had a goal it would help.  What might that be?  Hmmm.  How about this?  How about feeling really good about pushing the publish button?  How about feeling that it doesn’t have to be perfect, and that however it turns out, it’s all okay?  How about letting it just be what it is without judging it, or myself, or caring what anybody thinks of it?  Well that would be pretty awesome, right?

Indeed.  Have you considered the lessons that you are learning as you fulfill your daily writing commitment?

Well kind of and sort of, but not really.  Not thoroughly.  I know they’re there, but maybe that’s a topic for another day.

Would you care to share about your experience of writing today?

Sure.  It was a struggle at first.  But after several starts and stops, it got easier.  It just sort of flowed.  Again, a lot like my entire life.  It’s not always easy but it sure is worth it.

When do you think that it became easier?

About the time when I gave up on my little self and turned it over to You.

How will you feel today when you push the pubish button?

Pretty darned good, I think.  Thank you.

It is Our pleasure indeed.  We know that it takes great courage serve others by your willingness to share from the heart and be who you are.  We love you and We thank you.

My gratitude to You as always, and as a way of saying thank you, I shall push the publish button and feel really good about it.  Ta dah!

Note:  The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).  

Onward, Upward, and Inward

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Today marks the two-week anniversary of my daily writing commitment and in another six days, I will celebrate the four-month anniversary of a black TV screen.  Not bragging, not complaining, just saying.

I reread A Night Without TV Link and was reminded that my intention is, was, and always will be, to do whatever it takes to move one step further ahead on the path toward enlightenment.  Sometimes it’s a big ask, but the rewards are greater than the sacrifice.  It takes time and patience to make progress along the way, and sometimes forward motion is not visible until seen in the rear view mirror.

No TV is a big ask, right up there with quit smoking, give up wine, and get a dog.  I did it all because I don’t want to risk being sucked back into another lifetime by my addictions, if you believe in that sort of thing.  If I come back, I want it to be because I want to, not because I need a glass of wine or a cigarette.

Ah, but I digress.  What have I done to fill the gaping hole left by a blank TV screen?  The only thing I know for sure is that I haven’t used the time to dismantle the stack of paper on my desk.  Beyond that, I cannot say, exactly.  Meanwhile it seems that I have finally decided to act upon the guidance that I received while in the midst of writing the no-TV blog, and I quote:

“I say to myself, “Self,” I say?  What am I supposed to be doing with all of this blank-screen TV-less time on my hands?”

And my Self says to me, “Write your own story.  Tell your own truth.  Say it like it is in your world and do not concern yourself with how it is perceived.  Judgment is not your job.  Your job is simply to write.”

So I write.  I clog up in-boxes with whatever comes to mind, be it ever so helpful, annoying, good, bad, or indifferent.  It may or may not ever be read, but I truly appreciate those who take the time to do so.  Meanwhile, in a week or so, I may have another little chat with my Self about the possibility of reevaluating and/or readjusting the writing schedule.  Perhaps it would make sense to move to a three-day a week plan.  We’ll see how that works out.

There will come a time when I look in the rear view mirror and clearly see the magnificent gifts of growth and learning that come along with the big asks.  Meanwhile, I plod along day by day with faith that I am on the path to higher consciousness and I’ll get there in this lifetime or the next, or maybe the next.  There is nowhere to go but up and within.  With  time and patience on my side I’ll get there eventually.  Inch by inch. Hallelujah!

 

Note:  The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).