Chatting with My Self

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Well here we go again – another adventure into a moment of the unknown.  Blank page, blank mind, blinking cursor, can’t wait to see what’s coming my way.

May We suggest that you stop thinking and start writing?

That’s easy for you to say.

It’s easy for you to write.  Please continue.

Would love to.  No idea what to write about.

Anything.  Just write anything.

Hmmm.  Seems to me we have a little dé·jà vu here.  Been there, done that.  A bazillion times.

You’re stalling again.

Yes.  I am.  Trying to figure out what to write.

Overthinking is the enemy.  Just write.  We hear your censorship of thoughts, the continual evaluation of what is “safe” to say and what seems risky.  We realize that courage is required to bare one’s soul aloud, so to speak, and while doing so in private is one thing, it is quite another to speak publicly so that others may hear.  We understand your hesitancy to expose your innermost thoughts in light of the possibility of the judgment of others and the possible misperception of meaning.  And We see that you are stuck in overthinking again.  Would you care to have a word?

Sure, thanks.  (Note: blinking cursor marks stare-at-blank-screen time).  Yep.  Stalling again.

Why would that be?

Because there is so much to say and I don’t think that I want to say any of it?

And why would that be?

Well, You said it for me.  Fear of judgment and misperception.

Ah.  If you allow fear to stand as an obstacle to the fulfillment of purpose, you will fail before you begin.  Have you considered the possibility that it is not the fear of others that concerns you, but rather the fear of yourself?

Huh?  I don’t get it.

If you look back at your life, you may begin to discern that you are the one standing in the way of your own progress.  You are the one creating the fear that stops you in you in tracks.  You are the one who has allowed concern about what others might think to hide the truth of who you are from the world.  We know who you are.  You cannot hide from Us.  We invite you to quit hiding from yourself, and gather the courage to show yourself to the world.

Huh.  Yesterday, my friend Nancy gave me two words that helped me to put this whole scary daily writing adventure into perspective.  Spiritual Practice.  Odd that I never thought of it myself, but then, I don’t always see things as clearly as I’d like.  As I ask myself day after day why I have chosen to accept this assignment, it occurs to that though there are many reasons, one stands out among all others—at least for this moment—and that is to learn to delete “attachment to outcome” as an obstacle to doing what I am meant to do.  Whatever anyone may think, perceive, or judge about this little journey of mine is none of my business.  My job here is to simply do it and have faith that it’s all just exactly as it should be.

So there!!!  Now all I have to do now is muster up the courage to push the publish button.  Well, I always did enjoy pushing a button or two to see what happens . . .

So here we go—Wheeee!

Thank you Nancy.  Thank you God.

 

 

 

 

Becoming, Becoming, Becoming

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Photo by Magda Ehlers on Pexels.com

This conversation with someone else’s Self arrived by email late last night along with the question, “Did you write this?”   No, I did not write it, but I certainly wish that I had, because it’s brilliant.  I wanted to pass it along because it speaks volumes and is just too good to miss.  To the unknown author,—whoever you are—kudos to you, and thank you.

Me: Hey God.
God: Hello…..
Me: I’m falling apart. Can you put me back together?
God: I would rather not.
Me: Why?
God: Because you aren’t a puzzle.
Me: What about all of the pieces of my life that are falling down onto the ground?
God: Let them stay there for a while. They fell off for a reason. Take some time and decide if you need any of those pieces back.
Me: You don’t understand! I’m breaking down!
God: No – you don’t understand. You are breaking through. What you are feeling are just growing pains. You are shedding the things and the people in your life that are holding you back. You aren’t falling apart. You are falling into place. Relax. Take some deep breaths and allow those things you don’t need anymore to fall off of you. Quit holding onto the pieces that don’t fit you anymore. Let them fall off. Let them go.
Me: Once I start doing that, what will be left of me?
God: Only the very best pieces of you.
Me: I’m scared of changing.
God: I keep telling you – YOU AREN’T CHANGING!! YOU ARE BECOMING!
Me: Becoming who?
God: Becoming who I created you to be! A person of light and love and charity and hope and courage and joy and mercy and grace and compassion. I made you for more than the shallow pieces you have decided to adorn yourself with that you cling to with such greed and fear. Let those things fall off of you. I love you! Don’t change! Become! Become! Become! Become who I made you to be. I’m going to keep telling you this until you remember it.
Me: There goes another piece.
God: Yep. Let it be.
Me: So…I’m not broken?
God: No – but you are breaking like the dawn. It’s a new day. Become!!

What perfect timing for this message to appear, at a moment when the world is paused and offers us a glorious opportunity to withdraw and be still awhile.  How wonderful to be reminded that we are not broken, and that within each one of us there is a Voice that will guide us to the place deep within the soul where truth, beauty, and goodness reign.  Godspeed to all who venture forth upon this quest to become, become, become.  You are not alone.

 

Follow Your Heart Home

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This morning  I found myself asking why I have suddenly decided to renew a commitment to write a daily blog.  As I sort through the myriad of answers, I discover that yet again I experience some of the same-old, same-old hitches in my git-along that I thought (hoped) were long gone.  Guess not.  An intertwined mixture of altruistic and egotistic reasons drift by.  I don’t always like what I see, but if I can see it, I can change it.  Again.  Sigh.  I thought I already had.

This morning as I sat struggling with today’s blog and asking myself the eternal “why” question I pondered whether or not my efforts are worth it.  It was just about then that I received validation in the form of an email telling me that someone had just pushed the “follow” button on Voices in my Head.  Ah.  Maybe the effort is worth the effort after all.  In case you are wondering, Christian, that was you.  Thank you.

Part of my wondering process brought to mind another question—or maybe more of a concern.  Is a daily blog too much?  Does it clog up an already-clogged inbox and incite one to delete, delete, delete?  Egotistically, of course, I’d love it if everyone would read and hang on to every word I write.  Realistically, however, that ain’t never gonna happen and understandably so, because there is not a blog in the world that will appeal to everyone, most especially the type of which I write.

I speak to you from the heart because I know that beneath the skin, we are all one in spite of the appearance of our differences.  And yet in spite of our many varieties, inside we are part of the same family, brothers and sisters living together in the vast universe that we call home.  We need to take care of each other, and we need to take care of our home.

I guess that I just answered my own question.  Yes, it’s worth the effort because you all are my family and I love you.  I want the best for you.  I want you to love yourself as much as I love you.  Ah.  There’s the altruistic part.  That’s the part of myself that I love the most.

As you navigate your way through this strange and baffling time in which we live, I hope that you know that you are loved and supported by a myriad of people in the world who carry a torch to light your path and help you find your way through the dark to your true home.

Follow the light and it will lead you to boundless love and irrepressible joy.

Love and blessings to all!

Note:  The beautiful image and meme above are courtesy of New Waves of Light (nwol.us).

In Search of Truth

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My current favorite pandemic meme came straight from of jaws of Facebook and suggests that perhaps God is sending us all to our rooms to give us time to consider what we’ve done.

Oh my.  Well that could be a scary thought.

Oh?  And why is that?

Well, duh.  It could bring up all sorts of hidden stuff like guilt, and what I did wrong, and what I didn’t do that I should have, and what I did that I shouldn’t have.  You know stuff like that.

That is true.  And would that be such a bad thing?

Well it wouldn’t be very much of a comfort.  I mean, after all, who wants to see the parts and pieces of themselves that they’ve been hiding from for a lifetime?

Ah. Perhaps you speak of the ego, the personality, the “small” self of the individual that feels disconnected from the larger Self.  And speaking of disconnection, We sense that you have allowed yourself to drift off into the world of ego and are considering the impact of today’s writing upon the reader.

Oops.  You would be correct.

May we remind you that your task is to simply write?  There is no need for you to judge the words, nor how they may be perceived by those who read them.

Thank you.  But it is still a little tempting to get a bit squirrely about whether or not I’ll be considered nuts.

We understand.  And again, We remind you that what others think of you is irrelevant, for they will see you through the lens of their own perspective.  We know that remnants of self-doubt occasionally rise up and play a role in your actions, choices, and decisions, and clearly, We see that this is one such occasion.  We applaud the progress that you have made thus far in releasing this obstacle that occasionally stands in the way of your peace of mind, and for the courage it takes for your willingness to be transparent.  Under these circumstances it is natural then, that a sense of hesitancy still exists.

Again, you would be correct.  But I’ll get over it.  Today for the first time since the pandemic lock-down, there is a bit of structure to my day and I need to get on the move.  But I promised myself that I would blog every day, and today, this is it.  How do I feel about it?  I don’t know.  But I’ll push the publish button anyway, and let the chips fall where they may.  There are lessons to be learned in every situation, and I’m happy to learn mine, no matter now comfortable or uncomfortable they may be.

Thanks Pandemic for this opportunity to stop and consider what I have done.  Oh—and to love and forgive myself for whatever it is that I think I may have done wrong.

Happy Easter everyone.  May we rise up together into a glorious new beginning!

PS:  If you are dazed and confused by what you just read (if in fact you even made it this far), it may be because you missed the last one or two blogs.  Reading them will put this one in context.

Note:  The beautiful image and meme are courtesy of New Waves of Light (NWOL.us).

 

Listening to the Whispers

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Well it’s another day, I’m back, and for me that’s quite an accomplishment.  I seem to have a history of making these insanely impulsive promises to myself in moments of expanded consciousness only to welsh on myself soon thereafter.  It’s maddening, really.  And depressing.

Just yesterday, for example, I stuck my neck out and made a commitment to sit myself down every day and write a blog.  While I was at it I blared it out loud not just to myself but also to you, whoever you are, who is reading this self-confession right now.  It is no surprise then that today I awoke after a sleepless night of worrying about whether I’ll pull it off, or if I’ll have anything to say, or if I’ll welsh on myself yet again.  It prompts me to ask myself the question, “OMG—What have I done?”

Enter self-doubt.  What am I going to do?  What am I going to write?  How am I going to fill up the blank space of a white screen with anything worth saying or reading?  It transports me right back to that day decades ago when I asked myself the same questions and heard the words, “It doesn’t matter.  Just write.”  So I did.  And I loved doing it.  It was exhilarating.

Why did I stop?  That question boiled down to a one-word answer.  Fear.  Fear of what?  Success?  Failure?  Embarrassment?  Self-exposure?  Check all of the above?  Whatever it was, it stopped me dead in my tracks and the fruits of those many long hours of writing ended up in the jaws of the neighborhood trash truck.

Well that was then and this is now, and I’m happy to report that I’m a lot whole older and wiser than I was then and now I have reached a point in life where none of the old self-doubts matter much anymore.  Hallelujah!  Free at last!  What a feeling!

Somewhere between now and a rather sleepless night of worry about how I would manage to honor this impulsive, brash recommitment to daily writing and publishing, I felt an inner nudge of encouragement that said, “You can do.  Just do it.”  Ahh—the gentle whisper of the Voice.

So here I am again, back at a keyboard facing a blank screen, but this time, I’m not the least bit concerned about what anyone might think.  Somewhere deep within I know that finally, finally, I am doing what I am supposed to be doing not just for myself, but also for anyone else who has ever struggled with some of the myriad of obstacles that stand in the way of their realization of joy and happiness.

It’s not just about writing.  It’s so much more than that.  It’s about the will and desire to move out from behind the shadow of the ego and into the light of Truth that lies within.  It is about planting seeds of hope and spreading inspiration and encouraging my brothers and sisters in this world to have faith that in spite of appearances, everything is going to be all right.  Truly, it will.

That said, I bid farewell for today with a promise that I will be back again tomorrow and hope that I will see you then.  Before I go though, I must ask myself a question or two.

Did I get it right?  Is it perfect?  Does it need to be perfect?  Does it even matter?  No.  The only thing that really matters is that today I listened to the whispers of the Voice within and did what I am supposed to do.  What about you?  Are you listening for the whispers that have the answers to the questions of your heart?  Is there something that you can do for yourself today that will make you feel really good about yourself when you go to bed tonight?  If not today, then perhaps tomorrow?  

Till we meet again, I wish you many blessings of love and peace.

Note:  The beautiful image and meme above are courtesy of New Waves of Light (nwol.us).

A New Day is Dawning

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Today as I was scrambling around in my head trying to make sense out of the contents of my mind, it dawned on me that I am currently long on self-doubt and procrastination and short on purpose, perseverance, and action.  As a “shut-in” along with the rest of the world during this historic pandemic, there is not much to do now except to sit down and look within to see where I can make a few in-flight corrections.

As I sit and stare at my current state of mind, I am reminded of a time many years ago when, during a time of meditation, I was given a set of instructions.

“Make a commitment to write!”

“Write what?” I asked?  “Anything!” came the response.

Let the dialog begin!  Apparently, it is no accident that this blog is titled “Voices in my Head”.

After days of resistance and repeated cajoling from whoever or whatever that Voice is, I gave in and sat down in front of a keyboard and stared at a blank piece of paper and wrote anything.  Astes erwoi 9 hhta the cow jumped over the moon.

After many hours of cows and moons, there emerged a writing adventure called Conversations with Myself.  Conversations was a journal, a daily dialogue betwixt me, myself, and I, and the committee in my head that vied for power over who was to be in control.  It was often a fascinating dialogue.

The writing was intensely personal and self-revealing, written with the hope that perhaps the revelation of my personal journey and inner battle with myself could help, uplift, and inspire others who shared similar struggles to make their way easier.

Sometimes I would muster up the courage to show it to a trusted friend or two.  Always the response was encouraging and positive, but when I sent it out to one publisher it was rejected.  After that, I gave up and Conversations made its way into a carton that was buried deep within the recesses of a closet and my mind, along with any delusions of thinking that my various voices and mind wanderings would ever serve as a tool for helping others like myself.  Eventually it was sucked into the jaws of a passing trash truck and was lost and gone forever.  Fear became the winner in that fray.

Decades have passed since those days and yet sometimes I still do battle with myself over one thing or another.  Today it’s about not living up to my own potential.  There is not a soul alive on the planet who is not born with certain gifts and talents.  I know that I am a writer and I am not using that gift to the fullest extent possible.  So, today in the midst of this pandemic, my game plan is to dust off my writing skills and just do it.  No more hiding out in the closet for me!  If only one person gains benefit from the various voices in my head, then I can cross “live up to potential” off my list, at least in one small area of my life.

Today is a new day.  It is the perfect time to begin again with an updated purpose and refreshed commitment to resume Conversations.  From past experience I know that sometimes my commitments are strong and powerful and sometimes they’re a little shaky.  If I’m not back tomorrow, I’m going to need a few prayers.  All help gratefully accepted.

Meanwhile, I ask you to consider that the old will be gone forever, and invite you to let the promise of a New Age blossom in your heart and spark your imagination to create a vision of how you would like the world to be when this is all over.  Together we can make it so.

Please be well in heart, mind, body, and spirit.

With love from me and the cacophony of voices in my head, Julia

(Photo and meme courtesy of New Waves of Light (nwol.us).  Please feel free to share.

 

 

 

Dear God,

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Photo by Carl Attard on Pexels.com

Dear God,

I don’t know how You did it, but thank you for closing the world and sending us home to the quiet of our own hearts for a spell.  Thank you for giving us and our precious planet Earth a time to allow Your light and love to heal our wounds.  What an amazing and miraculous gift for humanity and our Earth home—an opportunity to shut down and reboot, to start anew with a fresh perspective.

I know that there are many who will experience undue suffering and hardship, and I pray that they will be sustained in faith by Your love and by the kindness and compassion of family, friends, and strangers.

Thank you for opening our hearts to one another, and for the awareness that we are a family of one and are given a choice to decide between an attitude of love or fear.  Thank you that we are learning to recognize the destructive power of fear and help us choose the soothing, healing balm of love instead.  Thank you for miracles.

With an overflowing love and gratitude that my heart can scarcely hold,

Your dearly devoted daughter,

Julia

 

Who Are We?

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When I was a very young child, a puzzling question popped into my mind from out of the blue.  It was a question that I pondered for decades and was the one that started me on my quest to answer the eternal ‘Who am I’ and ‘why am I here’ questions.

While in the midst of playing with a friend from kindergarten one day, I found myself poking my little finger at her small body, and then back at my own asking, “Who is that in there?  And who is this in here?”  I continued the conversation in my head for a bit longer and more questions came to mind.  Why do you live with your family, and why do I live with mine?  Why are you you, and why am I me?  Heavy questions for a five-year old to ponder.

On my spiritual journey decades later, I received answers to my questions.  There is no “you” and there is no “me” because in Truth, we are all One joined in spirit and connected by the same Divine Source.

We are born into different life scenarios designed to provide opportunities for us to move toward our highest possible evolution. We arrive on the planet wrapped in individual bodies appearing to be separate, but beneath the wrappings of so many beautiful hues, the bottom line is that while on this earth, you are you, and I am me, but in Truth, we are We, and We are One.

In closing, a final thought about forgiveness comes to mind.  Whether it is yourself you forgive or another, forgiving one is the same as forgiving all for indeed, Oneness is all encompassing.

Blessings to One and All, dear brothers and sisters.

Note:  The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).