Power of Mind – Voices in My Head

We Created It, You know.

I stood propped in the corner of an elevator bemoaning my fate. The thought of having to haul myself out into the blazing heat for yet one more day of pavement pounding in search of sales was horrifying. Put me out of my misery. Just shoot me now.

The elevator stopped to pick up Mr. FedEx man. A breath of fresh air, he was. Bright, crisp and clean. How does he do that, I wonder? My reply to his cheery ‘good morning’ was a gloomy “Yes. Well it would be if I didn’t have to go out and walk around inside a furnace all day.

“Well we created it, you know.” Two floors later, the elevator door opened and he vanished as quickly as he appeared. When the door closed a light bulb went on.

Well of course! Late winter had dragged on through May into mid-June. People were yearning for the beautiful, balmy weather of spring. Everywhere I went, I heard the same mantra: “When is it gonna get hot?” The collective cry was heard, and the universe kindly obliged by zapping us from late winter into a brutal, searing heat wave. Zero to a 100 in 30 seconds. This terminal heat wave was sucking the life energy out of people, and creating a negative pall in the air. It was palpable. I felt it every day as I walked into office after office. We were all victims of Mother Nature.

I wondered—if so many were repeating the same “When is it gonna get hot” mantra, could we have created a heat wave with our thoughts? If we change our thoughts, can we change the weather?

I exited the elevator with new enthusiasm and purpose. Out into the blazing heat I went, determined to see what I could do to change the weather—or at the very least change the negative pall that was afflicting those I encountered throughout the day.

I made it a point to visit as many offices as possible that day. I told everyone I met about my elevator encounter and my experiment to see about changing the weather. I parroted Mr. FedEx’s words, quickly followed by the suggestion that if enough of us put our minds to it, perhaps we could create the perfect weather. The suggestion alone was enough to uplift spirits and brighten outlooks.

And guess what? The next morning the world awoke to a beautiful, perfect, clear, bright, glorious spring day. Imagine that.

Last night while trying to drift off to sleep, I thought about Mr. FedEx and my little experiment. I observed my mind as it catapulted from one meaningless thought to another and was reminded once again that I have dominion over my thoughts. It is up to me to decide what to think. What am I creating in my mind?

Imagine the power of thought. Imagine how the world would change if we were all on the same page and using our creative genius to envision a world of love instead of a world of fear. If we are powerful as individuals, imagine how unstoppable we are as a group.

Have you thought about your thoughts lately?

Can you think of a time when a belief or thought became a reality for you? I would love to hear about it in the comments section. Thank you for reading, and please share!

Push the Better Button

I always want to be better.

A better friend, a better person, a better being.

I always want to be better at one thing or another,

less focused on ego, less self-serving, less personality.

Clean out the clutter in my head, my closets, my computer.

Claim focus and clarity as my own, take better care of myself and

listen for the sound of the still small voice within.

Listen, hear, do.

I look back at where I once was and where I am no longer,

a heavy smoker, a lover of wine, an overeater.

I marvel that those vices that once gripped me have somehow

magically departed my life without any help from me.

Decades of overindulgence were not healed on my own,

for clearly I have proven myself incapable of such

transformation when left to my own devices.

Somewhere buried deep within, we all have a Better Button,

inactive until that moment when we realize that

we are incapable of healing ourselves of the trials and

tribulations we face as humans on a journey toward wholeness.

There is an invisible button, ever available in times when we might lose

ourselves in frustration over uncontrollable urges that threaten

peace of mind, or in times of self-judgment,

when we think of ourselves as less than we truly are,

in times when better seems an utter impossibility.

My Better Button has a name—it is called Willingness.

It is the miraculous ingredient that clears the way to effortless effort,

the magical, mysterious key that unlocks the door to transformation,

to the healing we cannot do alone, when there is nowhere else to turn.

Without true willingness, hope fades into oblivion.

Cigarettes, wine and overeating were once my best friends.

I had to be willing to let them go, to release my attachment.

I had to be willing to be willing to be willing.

One by one, each willing disappeared until there was only one left.

Then the miracle of transformation happened.

All it took was a Better Button and a little willingness.

Just imagine how a bit of both, a touch of faith and

and a lot of love might heal the world.

Will Strengthening 101

When I was in kicking around in utero, as the story goes, my father placed his hand on the growing bulk that was soon to become me and said, “Be gentle, Julia”, a name taken from the book he was reading at the time, Gentle Julia, by Booth Tarkington. Hence, my name—Julia.

That memory came to mind today as I was pondering the newest spiritual growth assignment that I have recently bestowed upon myself. It’s a biggie. I call it Willingness to Strengthen the Will. Cheech. It’s like quitting smoking, or giving up the wine habit. I want to, but do I really mean it? I mean really, really?

I do, but I don’t. Like anything worth working for, it will require great commitment and sacrifice, and I have to stop and ask myself if the reward is worth the effort. Throughout the decades of my life, I have learned that when the do becomes stronger than the don’t, then a modicum of willingness creeps in, and I become willing to begin to consider the possibility of taking a leap and making the change. I am happy to report that as of today, the do‘s outweigh the don’t‘s and I am ready. It only took an entire lifetime to get to this point of readiness but finally, here I am. And let’s face it—I’m no spring chicken.

What caused me to turn the corner into willingness? I realized that the final curtain is coming down and when it does, I want to know that I have done everything in my power while I am still here to finish whatever it is that I came here to do. I may not get it done completely before I go, but I can give it my best shot, and at the very least get a head start for the next time around. This is a job that may require more than one lifetime, but I need to start somewhere, right?

When I say that this is a biggie, I mean, this is really a biggie. For one who has spent a lifetime wrestling with procrastination, distraction and lack of focus topped by a probable case of undiagnosed, untreated ADD, strengthening the will is indeed an act of will.

It’s not like I can tap a magic wand on my head and proclaim myself strong-willed. I can’t suddenly go cold turkey on procrastination and distraction the way I did with smoking and my daily wine habit. I’ve tried it before, and it didn’t work. I’d give it my best shot, invariably flunk, and wind up feeling guilty for my failure. Then I’d sink back into my old ways of inaction, or doing what I shouldn’t, or whatever else added to my waning sense of self-worth. It can be a lot easier to judge oneself than to be kind, gentle, and forgiving of one’s own human frailty.

Maybe it’s something in the stars, or a growing awareness that the old way of the world is dying and a new one is emerging. Life is changing before my very eyes, and the good news is that I have an opportunity to change along with it.

What’s different now? Desire, purpose, motivation, and an intention to get there from here. Rome wasn’t built in a day and unrealistic expectations lead to discouragement and failure. Now finally, a strong intention for strengthening the will has started the wheels turning, and off I go, off into a new and exciting world of seeing how life looks when a choice is made between serving the personal will vs. the serving will of the soul.

This time I will live up to my name and be gentle with myself. I will be kind and forgiving and allow for stumbles and falls, and remember that I am a work in progress. I will know that like a child, I am being helped and guided and loved each step along the way and that in the end, I will make it in spite of my human frailties and foibles.

We are here to learn, to grow, to use this life experience to find the best within ourselves. It is a rocky road, but in the long run it is the only road worth traveling, because in the end the reward is unparalleled joy. The best way that I know about how to get there from here is to wake up and see the light of a new day, a new dawn, a new world. Intention, motivation, purpose and desire are the ingredients of the fuel that will propel me to where I want to go.

I’m not there yet, but I’m making good progress. I’m learning that trying to force myself into compliance will result in failure, and that allowance is the key that unlocks the door to success. Allowance is kind, gentle, forgiving. It arrives packaged in grace and leaves room for stumbles, lapses in judgment, and momentary setbacks. Allowance gently leads us by the hand, helps us to make conscious decisions, and reminds us to ask for the help we need to get us to our destination.

I have a feeling that as time goes by, there will be a lot more to say about my adventures in Will Strengthening 101, so stay tuned . . . Meanwhile, note to self: be gentle, Julia. And thanks to my father for giving me a name that reminds me to be gentle not just to myself, but to all.

Before you go—

If you could use a little drink from the fountain of love in the midst of a world of fear, you might enjoy a look at A Tree of Light website. It is an inspiration and oasis for the soul.

You may also find a bit of inspiration and humor in Voices, a book full of my tales of woe and triumphs in my travels on the road to enlightenment.

A Clean Sweep

Every now and then I take a deep dive into my dumpster—my Save and Review file into which I park my half-started unfinished blog attempts. Alas, there are many. This morning’s dive yielded the following (of which I had no memory) written in March 2020:

I have a vision –

Light has overtaken the darkness, shining its brilliance into every dirty corner, every filthy crevice of the universe, revealing all of the nastiness that has been hidden deep in the underbelly of humanity for so many eons.

A great Universal vacuum seeks to suck up each and every speck of debris that stands as an obstacle to world peace and sweeps it off into a vast, secure and safe space where it is recycled, purified, and transformed into a substance that can be distributed back into the universe and used for the benefit of the earth and all of its kingdoms.

That substance is love.

I wonder what else I’ve forgotten? Maybe I don’t want to know.

Perhaps I stumbled onto this forgotten piece to remind myself of the importance of looking to the light, not the dark and to remember that energy follows thought and faithfully manifests what is uppermost in my mind.

In the face of so much unhappy news in the world, now more than ever it is crucial to focus on what we wish to manifest rather than what we don’t—on what we can do to help ourselves survive the crises of these times and safely cross the bridge of transformation that will take us into a new and improved world.

Light not dark.

Love not fear.

Kindness and forgiveness, not judgment or condemnation.

Self-love, not self criticism.

When I remember, I stop and think about what I think. What’s going on in my head? What thoughts am I sending out into the world? Am I adding to the light? Or am I adding to the dark by allowing fear to clog up my brain? Like a loving parent, I need to monitor myself and the thoughts that I allow to dominate, and take corrective measures when I step out of line.

So now—am I going to send this half-started, unfinished blog back into the black hole of the dumpster, or am I going to take the bull by the horns and say, “Oh the heck with it—the message is more important than the need for perfection, so just bite the bullet and push the publish button.”?

I vote for message over perfection. And here’s an added side benefit: one more unfinished blog escapes from the hidden recesses of the dumpster and makes into the light of day. Hi ho, hi ho, it’s into the light we go.

We are such beautiful souls—and yes, we are souls. We are sparks of the Divine. We create. We manifest. We have the power to craft the world we wish to live in—and the sooner the better. Think light my friends. Think love.

Note to Self: Thanks for the reminder. Always appreciated! 

Note to Reader: I feed my soul by reading bits and pieces from A Tree of Light website. If your soul is hungry, you may like to taste a tidbit click here.

Life in the Lazygirl

You know how much I love hanging out in my Lazygirl, right? Well, lucky me—I have been sentenced to The Chair for the next couple of months, courtesy of a klutzy move and a shattered right kneecap. If Covid wasn’t enough to do the trick, I have been given my very own personal timeout to reevaluate and reassess my life.

I trip over my own feet, break a bone, and marvel at the creative antics of a clever Universe that provides me with an opportunity to sit still long enough to pay attention. Sit. Stay! But will I listen? Visions of the Roadrunner with his legs spinning a mile a minute zoomed through my head, as I careened from one room into the next, desperately trying to keep up with a body that was charging at light speed ahead of my feet. It gives new meaning to hit the floor running.

So I’m sentenced to The Chair. Talk about a choice moment to decide if I’ll revert to my slothful old ways so sorely in need of repair, or if I’ll rise to the occasion and use the opportunity to forge ahead and recommit to my spiritual path and purpose. Or maybe check all of the above? Is this another test? If so, I seem to be flunking—at least for now—but there’s still time to make the necessary in-flight corrections before I Roadrunner myself straight into the afterlife.

So far, I’ve been stuck in the needs-repair place. It’s a lovely spot to visit for a while, but as a permanent parking place, it leaves a lot to be desired. If nothing else, it is a splendid opportunity to practice what I preach. Again? Do I have to? Up until now, the Lazygirl has been my all-time favorite parking spot. I wonder—will I still feel the same way once I’m sprung? Or will I flee like my pants will catch fire if I dare sit?

The needs-repair place includes heavy doses of procrastination. Where have I been since my last blog written nearly two months ago? What have I been doing? Why have I been gone for so long? Why am I dawdling? Aw geez. It’s always something. Always a choice about how I wish to live life in my lane. Or in my Lazygirl.

I have been captive for over two weeks already, and what have I learned so far? Well, I’ve not been doing the things that make me happy—not writing, not blogging, not doing much of anything that does much to increase my sense of self-worth. This current state of affairs is making me feel grumpy, useless, and downright disgusted with myself.

Those feelings are not helpful, uplifting, or good for the psyche. Is it okay to be nonproductive and still love me in spite of myself? I decide, right? Oh my—we’re looking at the tip of the iceberg here. There is so much to discover, unearth, and delve into. Do I want to see it? Or would I rather turn on Say Yes to the Dress and zone out watching brides make themselves happy by finding the perfect wedding dress? So far, I’ve said yes to the dress. What is it that I am trying to avoid? Whatever it is, I want to get over it, because it’s not good for my mental health.

It’s time to move on. I’m not quite sure where I’m moving on to at this point, but for now I’ll take one moment, one day at a time, and since that’s all I have, I’ll do my best to talk myself into making the best of it.

But here’s the thing—Just the act of writing this blog is enough to lift my spirits and give me hope. And it’s enough to make me realize and remember that I am the one who decides what I think and feel about myself, and about the world in which I live. I am the one who creates my beliefs and reality. Clearly, it’s better to shatter old useless, worn out thought forms instead of kneecaps, and allow the subtle realm of light to become known and seen.

Now that’s enough to put a smile on my face and dance a happy jig—well, just as soon as my knee is back in proper working order. Meanwhile, I’ll dance a jig in my heart and wait until the rest of me catches up.

PS: There really is a reasonable answer to where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing, but I’ll talk more about that in the next blog, so please stay tuned for an announcement about what will be coming soon! Oh, and by the way, if you click on my website, you won’t get very far because it is not fully up and running yet! Stay tuned . . . See you soon!

Note: The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us)

Just Say Yes

In the early days of the pandemic, I received a call from a friend asking me how I was, and what I was doing for kicks. It made me smile, and then wonder what I was doing for kicks. What does anyone do for kicks in the midst of a pandemic?

Well, for one thing, instead of watching the news, I binged on old reruns of Say Yes to the Dress because in today’s world of darkness and fear, I wanted to focus on something that brings happiness, both to myself and others. Watching a bride find her perfect wedding dress is enough to warm my heart and put the icing, roses, and topper on my cake.

As Covid begins to wind down, I still try to be mindful of what thoughts may be lurking somewhere in my head—thoughts that have the potential to disturb my peace of mind—fearful, worrisome thoughts that make me want to escape into zone-out mode to insulate myself from this scary world.

To take my mind off of the things that I don’t want to think about, I try to focus on what needs to be done. I do whatever I can to help me keep my spirits up, and look beyond the hideous appearance of what is going on in the world—my world and your world, a world that seems to deteriorate moment to moment. I do whatever it takes to divert my attention away from what is distressing, and look for the light side instead. Sometimes I succeed.

Most importantly, perhaps, I choose not to glom onto the opinions of the talking heads who get paid by the powerful and greedy to spin the news into traps of bleakness, designed to scare the bejeepers out of us in a marathon of pumping out news that keeps us in a state of perpetual fear. No thanks. Not for me.

No matter how dreadful things seem, it helps to remind myself that somewhere in all of this there is a silver lining, if only I will look for it. For me, that has come in the form of an increased desire to do whatever I can to help. Hello? Is there a needle in this haystack somewhere? Or maybe a pony in the manure? What in the world can I—little old one-person-me—possibly do that can make a difference, no matter how miniscule, in the midst of this mind-boggling quagmire of apparent hopelessness?

I can say yes. I can say yes to the truth, the beauty and the goodness in the world. I can say yes to the light and no to anything that does not serve to uplift our family of humanity. I can add positivity to the mix, rather than negativity. I can say yes to the belief that the vision of a new world will become manifest, and I can do my best to make that happen by staying focused on doing my part to create the reality of a life lived in peace, harmony, cooperation, and love.

I can, and you can, and together we can make the world a better place for all. When enough of us join in a common purpose of seeking the light, we will find it, and we will march arm in arm into a brand new and glorious world of our own making. Where two or more are gathered. Just say yes.

Who Do Voodoo?

If I were a believer in voodoo, I might be inclined to think that somebody is out to get me. Why would I think such a ridiculous thing, one might wonder? Why? Because in a brief moment of fitful thrashing around during an on-again-off-again sleepless night, I had the odd sensation that there was a sharp object of some sort being stuck in my back. Not like a knife, mind you—more like the steady jab of a sturdy hatpin. Hmm. It gave me pause to wonder.

I know virtually nothing about Voudon except that it is an Afro-Caribbean religion that originated in Haiti. Apparently, it has very little to do with zombies or the practice of voodoo on others, and that’s about the extent of my knowledge. I admit to utter ignorance regarding the history, truth, or use of voodoo dolls. Are they a myth? Are they real? Do people really use them to attack others?

Maybe one day I’ll sit down long enough to do some serious investigation into the subject, but not now. Today, I’d rather talk about what the thought of voodoo brought up for me in the midst of my thrash-around night.

Maybe it was a poke in the ribs by my writer muse to provide me with a subject for a blog and urge me to get on with it. Or maybe somebody really does have it in for me and is sending hateful thoughts my way. Really? Who? Why? From how many lifetimes ago? What might I have done to bring on such behavior on the part of another person? The idea that someone would willfully set out to take revenge on another by way of a voodoo attack took me by surprise. I guess my head is still buried in the sand, maybe somewhere in Haiti.

Along with that came the realization that if one wants to attack another, voodoo dolls are not necessary. Attacks need only come from an intentional mind in order to be effective. We are perfectly capable of doing harm with our minds, without the need for hatpins.

This makes me wonder. What are the thoughts that I harbor in my mind about others? How nice am I to someone’s face, while thinking critical or judgmental thoughts? How aware am I of my thought process? How often do I project unkind thoughts about another into the ethers, even if unintentionally? How often might I have knowingly or unknowingly stabbed an unsuspecting victim in the heart with a poison hatpin?

How many times have I stabbed myself in the back with unkind thoughts toward myself? Could it be that the jab I felt last night might have come from me? Am I my own attacker? How safe am I in my own mind? How safe are you in my mind? How safe am I in yours?

My brief sojourn into the unknown world of voodoo has fueled my desire to steer clear of attack regardless of source. It seems to me that if we reap what we sow, I’d better start sowing kind, loving, compassionate thoughts around the universe, because voodoo or no voodoo, our minds are mighty powerful. If what we think is what we get, we’d better get busy and start thinking about the things we’d rather manifest rather than the things that we’d rather not.

Nope. I’ll not start an investigation into voodoo today. What I will do, however, is increase the investigation into the workings of my own mind to suss out and replace with kindness any and all thoughts that have sharp points.

The world would be a lot better off with more kindness in it, don’t you think?

A Little Bit of Willingness

It’s a lovely morning, and my Lazygirl and I are huddled together contemplating the start of a new day. I sit down to meditate and my mind marches me into the kitchen to see what there is to eat. I do that a lot lately. Pretty much since the start of the pandemic lockdown, I think.

Pre-pandemic, I had myself in proper working order; at least I thought I did. I’d conquered my unhealthy, fattening habits like, smoking, drinking too much wine, and overeating. If there is anyone out there who has ever hung out in an “anon” group, you’ll know what I’m talking about. One can abstain from smoking and drinking, but it’s mighty hard to abstain from food.

Well, so anyway, I had it all together with my eating habits. Tiny breakfast, BIG lunch, often at a restaurant, a light graze at dinnertime, and I can still button my skinny jeans. Snatch the restaurant out from under me, add Covid, and well, it’s all over. Suddenly I can’t stay out of the kitchen and I’m wrestling with my corrective jeans. It’s humbling.

Given my extensive past experience in the “anon” world, I should be able to get over this, right?

Oops—wait—I’m shoulding all over myself again. I should be able to get over that too, right? Cheech. It’s always something!

Anyway, I’ve tried my usual tactic of asking my Self for help, but for some reason, breakfast still seeps into my morning meditation, and the kitchen continues to beckon like a shiny gemstone in the sunshine. I have asked—why have I not received?

Slowly it begins to dawn on me that maybe I am low on willingness. Maybe I am too lazy to do what it takes to eat a healthier diet, or too unfocused, or too comfortable with my head in the fridge to be bothered with changing my ways. Or maybe I just really don’t want to make a commitment to change.

By necessity, I’ve moved from restaurant fare to new recipes that I try on myself that are idiot proof and easy; recipes with pasta, recipes that provide easy leftovers for later. Later comes frequently these days—often in the middle of meditation, or while writing a blog. Food beckons, I forage, and eat to satisfy whatever seems to be missing, whether I’m hungry or not. Do I listen to my body? Nah.

Pre-pandemic, I did a lot of self-congratulations for having enough self-discipline to be trusted alone with a with a cheesecake. Then along came Covid and interrupted my routine. I fell off the wall, broke into bits and pieces, and now I have to put myself back together again. Pride goeth before a fall, it is said, and aren’t I just the perfect example of that? So much for the back pats. Again I say, it’s humbling.

One of the lessons that I have learned in my lofty experience of anons and such, is that the success or failure of any desired change begins with willingness. It is wholly dependent on the willingness to be totally and completely free of whatever obstacle stands in the way of happiness, whether it is a cigarette, a glass of wine, a hunk of chocolate cheesecake, or an unforgiven anger. Without willingness, I’m doomed.

Sometimes it isn’t easy to get to true willingness. There were many reasons why I wanted to quit smoking for example. It’s a disgusting habit. It’s unhealthy. It’s expensive. It burns holes in things. My clothes and hair smelled like an ashtray full of stale cigarette butts. It was becoming harder to smoke in public places. My smoker’s cough was frightening. It wasn’t good for my self-esteem

I really wanted to quit, and so I acquiesced and opted for willingness. But didn’t work. If I was willing, why wasn’t it working?

After another round of serious soul searching, I discovered the truth. The bottom line was that I was not truly, truly willing. Yes, I wanted to give up the filthy habit, but the fact was, the part of me that loved to smoke was reluctant. I was focused on what I perceived that I would be losing. I was not totally, completely, wholly, willing to quit smoking. I was my own obstacle.

Then I received a idea from my trusty Voice. It said, “Add a willing.”

So I did. I was willing to be willing. Ah. That helped. Maybe it would be good to add another willing or two, just for good measure. So I became truly willing to be willing to be willing.

About two weeks later, I woke up one morning as a non-smoker. The habit simply let go of me of its own volition and, unlike many unsuccessful attempts in the past, the desire to have “just one” cigarette went up in a puff of smoke and vanished into the ethers, never to return.

A three-pack-a-day smoking habit simply dropped out of my life after thirty-five years. All it took was just a little bit of willingness. Or two.

So now I’ll have to get busy, put my money where my mouth is, and ask myself if I’m really, really willing to remove my head from the fridge. If not, why? What’s in it for me to continue a habit that makes me unhappy—and uncomfortable in my skinny jeans?

Hmm. Am I being ruled by my tastebuds? Am I looking for comfort somewhere outside of myself rather than finding it within? What might be keeping me tripping the light fantastic into the kitchen? I don’t know the answer to those questions right now, but I think it might behoove me to do a little digging to find out. Meanwhile, I’ll work on increasing my willingness.

Here’s a tiny hint about how willingness works—I’m beginning to realize that I don’t feel very swell after one of my unscheduled visits to the feeding trough. It’s a clue. Maybe soon I’ll wake up and realize that I’ll feel a whole lot better if I forego all of those unscheduled trips. Maybe one day soon, I’ll easily zip up my skinny jeans, and discover that I’ve returned to my pre-pandemic size and sanity. Who knows?

Stay tuned. I’ll let you know how I do. Meanwhile, would you care to join me in a bit of willingness?

Wake Up and Smell the Roses

Uh oh. I woke up this morning feeling a sense of lethargy, like the only thing I have to I look forward to this morning is a breakfast sandwich of moldy cheese on stale bread. Ick. That doesn’t sound very appetizing, does it? Maybe I’ve been squirreled away in my cocoon too long. Wait—squirrels and cocoons don’t go together. See what I mean? Staleness dulls the senses and deadens brain cells.

It’s funny how that happens. One day I’m riding high on happy and the next, I’m slogging along in slow mo. The shift is insidious; it’s a slow downhill slide that happens while I’m looking the other way, when lazy has overtaken me, and vigilance has fallen asleep on the job. Apparently, so have I. It’s amazing that such a low-impact, non-event can create such a crash landing. I awaken with a start and realize that I’ve hit rock bottom. It’s time to shake things up.

I need to do some soul searching. What has changed? What have I done differently? What is weighing on my mind? What have I been putting off? What joy have I been denying myself? What habit have I fallen into that keeps me asleep? What am I missing? What was I doing when I was riding high that I am not doing now? If I made a list of the ten things that I do that make me feel good about myself, what would they be?

Hmm. Meditate, exercise, publish a blog, cross stuff off of my to-do list, declutter something, help a friend in need, try a new recipe and invite someone to try it with me, commit an anonymous random act of kindness, keep commitments that I make to myself, eat at a healthy diet, get a dog. Oops. That’s eleven. No. I’m not getting another dog.

As I ponder, an enlightening tidbit of information comes to mind: just the mere act of writing my list of ten has picked my spirits up off the floor. If I were to apply the 80-20 rule here, what would I put at the top of my list of ten? Which two choices would comprise the twenty percent that would provide eighty percent of the benefit? Which two would I want to check off first?

Some of the items on my list are constants, like meditate, exercise, eat a healthy diet, and keep commitments. Others are negotiable and may vary daily. The fact that I haven’t posted a blog for over a month puts write blog into the urgent category and bumps push publish button up to the top of the today list.

Of the items on the constant list, keep-commitments wins the top spot with meditation running a photo-finish second. If I keep my promises to myself, all else falls into place. If not, the slow descent downhill will take me to the bottom of a place where I’d rather not be. Without commitment, without meditation, I’m doomed to hang out in the pits until I return to my senses.

Today I woke up in a hole, but that hollow feeling was accompanied by the happy realization that I don’t need to stay there. The mere recognition that I have a choice, coupled with the desire and willingness to wake up and smell the roses shakes things up enough to bring me back to my senses and decide to do something about it. I can always count on the compassion of the wise dweller within to help lift me out of the doldrums.

By the way, I just remembered that I forgot to add something really important to my list: be kind to myself. That’s twelve. Really? Maybe it should be number one. I’m going to be really kind to myself now and push the publish button. Then I’m going to go have a nice fresh breakfast of something yummy and delicious.

Stories I Tell Myself

Sometimes a day without a blog is like a day without my morning coffee fix. This is one of them. A couple of days ago I wrote a blog about kindness. Today it may be about love but who knows? If not today, then maybe tomorrow or the next day.

But no, today is about the fake news I tell myself. This morning I caught myself asking how I would manage to check everything off my daily to-do list. Christmas is snapping at my heels, there are letters to answer, a birthday present to deliver, a blog waiting to be written, phone calls to return, decisions to be made, business to handle, and the beat just on going. How ever will I get it all done?

Well I’ll just do the best I can. Yeah, but my best could be a lot better. Uh oh. I can always be better but I’m not. That’s a downer if ever there was one. When will I ever be better? How will I get there from here and how long will it take? Oh but wait just a minute . . .

Well, I’ll just do the best I can for now. There may come a time when my best improves, but for today, my best is my best and I’m happy with that, because I know that I have time and room enough to grow into a better version of myself tomorrow. Ahh. Now I’m better!

As a wise person once said to me, “If you could do any better, you would.” We all would. We just need to give ourselves the space to dream up a new and better version of ourselves, and in time we will wake up and be surprised that we have morphed into the person of our dreams. It’s such a gradual process that we may not even recognize the change within ourselves until one day when we look back and say, “Wow! I’ve come a long way, baby!” Thank God for that. And thank God for time, space, room, and a vision to grow into.

While we wait for the great morph event, it is tempting to fall into the guilty trap. I’m a bad person. I’m not living up to my potential. Instead of doing what I should be doing, I’m doing what I shouldn’t. Guilty, guilty, guilty. Why is it that forgiveness is so much easier to give to another than to ourselves? Why do we berate ourselves for our perceived sins and keep ourselves hanging on the guilty hook when we readily and willingly forgive others? Isn’t God quick to forgive us as we are quick to forgive others? And yet here we are, continuously hanging onto our perceived wrongdoings in an effort to punish ourselves for our so-called sins. Oh, please.

One of my favorite spiritual teachings from A Course in Miracles is that there is no need for forgiveness because we have not done anything wrong. If we have not done anything wrong, there is nothing to be guilty about, nothing to punish ourselves for, nothing to keep us from experiencing ourselves as anything other than pure, unadulterated love. It may sound blasphemous, but it is we ourselves who have made up the fake news that we tell ourselves, and who believe our delusions of wrongdoing. We are the ones with the power to return ourselves to sanity simply by denying the self-created fake news, the part of ourselves that would have us believe that we are less than the Truth of who we are, which is love.

Identify not with the external, personality, ego self that you think you are for it is fake news. Instead, love yourself as the beautiful soul that you truly are. Can you even begin to imagine what it would be like to live in a world of a soul-identified humanity? Just as we know that a toddler is destined to grow into an adult, so must we trust and know that day by day, soul by soul, we are changing and growing into the version of ourselves that we are meant to be and we have a front row seat. Please join the parade of the newly-awakening so that one day we can take a collective look back, and say, “Wow! We’ve come a long way, baby!”

Ahh. There you have it. This blog is about love after all. It just didn’t quite take the form that I thought it might. Maybe tomorrow. Or the next day. Oh and by the way—I just crossed one to-do off todays list and made space for the next thing. Hmm—what will be next? A letter perhaps, or a phone call, or check all of the above? Has my best just gotten a little better? I think maybe so. Yay me and hallelujah! I’ve come a long way, baby!