Joy – Voices in My Head

Lost and Found

Tis the season ho ho ho.

Yep—it’s the season of crazy-making, decision-making, cookie-making, of running myself ragged trying to get it all done, of waffling between the gift-giving debacle and the remembrance of the reason for the season. I struggle to find a healthy balance amongst all, but I seem to be losing the battle, most likely because my inner chaos is affecting my outer world. It’s really tough to resist the temptation to take to my bed and hide until it’s all over. Can you relate?

The first clue that chaos rules is that I lost a set of keys. For days I’ve searched. No keys. Then, insult was added to injury with the discovery that a second set has gone missing. It’s a good thing that I have a third set, or I’d be locked out of my life forever.

Clearly, all of this seasonal crazy-making has knocked me off kilter. I have been neglecting the thing that is most important in my life, the thing that keeps me sane, that stirs my heart, that feeds my soul. I have lost myself—my Self—in the holiday fray. It has taken its toll in the loss of both sanity and keys.

A basic tenet of A Course in Miracles is that forgiveness is the key to happiness. Perhaps my keys will miraculously reappear if I can forgive myself for all of my sins (aka my silly stupid mistakes), and refocus on what is truly important. But apparently, before that miracle occurs, there is something I must learn. Or relearn because I forgot.

Now such a notion may seem ridiculous, but trust me—I am quite experienced in the lost and found business. This is not the first time I have been baffled by the mystery of the missing, but I have discovered that as soon as I figure out what the lesson is, lost items simply show up out of nowhere. Sometimes, I think that they become cloaked in invisibility, or slip into another dimension temporarily just to be sure I don’t miss a rich lesson of some sort along the way.

So this morning as I was muttering under my breath about my dual key loss (well, maybe loudly complaining is more like it) it dawned on me. It’s time to stop focusing on what’s unimportant in the overall scheme of things, and start zeroing in on the only thing that truly matters.

Love, hope, peace, joy, faith, compassion, kindness, Truth, beauty, and the awareness that we are more than meets the eye. We are not our bodies, we are not our skills or talents, we are not our personalities, we are not who we think we are at all. We are so much more. We live in dimensions that we cannot see, perhaps where lost keys go to keep company with the part of us that sometimes seem to be missing—our soul.

Sometimes I get lost in the belief that I am something other than who I truly am, and I forget to remember what is important; then I lose my keys along with myself. If past experience serves, they will magically reappear once I get myself back on track and aimed in the right direction.

But what is it that I have really lost? As I gain the willingness to emerge from under the covers and look for the light, I discover that what is temporarily missing in my life is the joy of doing what makes me feel good about myself. It’s the happiness that comes from doing whatever I can to bring light and joy into the lives of others. Instead, I have allowed the hustle and bustle of the season, and the gloom and doom of our current world to blot out the light.

Henceforth and hereinafter, I declare a moratorium on doom, gloom, hustle, bustle, and all things unhealthy to the magnificent human spirit and the soul that dwells within. Henceforth and hereinafter I vow to do my best to spread light and joy to all—each and every one, in whatever form that may take. Today that form is a blog. We’ll see about tomorrow….

Finally, speaking of spreading a little light, I feel called to share something that I recently received that lifts my spirits and gives me hope as we negotiate these dire times. If you wish to check it out, here is a link: The Coming One.

I wish you all love, hope, peace, joy, faith, compassion, kindness, Truth, and beauty at this most blessed time of year—and every year hereafter.

With love , blessings and a PS: Maybe now that I have pushed the publish button, the keys will appear. Ya think? 🙏🙏🙏

Don’t Look Now, but . . .

I’ve been off dumpster diving in old files again. I am often surprised to find bits and pieces of myself wallowing around in the trash bin, waiting to be rediscovered and reevaluated. Today, for instance I stumbled upon something I wrote a decade ago, on January 13, 2012. It’s an unwitting prelude to my most recent blog Link about New Year resolutions written just one week ago. It’s eye-opening to find myself lurking around somewhere in the past—a reminder of who I was in 2012, and who I am now, one decade later. The following was me then . . .

It’s a mighty good thing that I made a resolution to not make resolutions a while back, because if I hadn’t, I’d have disappointed myself many times over by breaking them many times over. When I think of the mind-boggling multitude of resolution possibilities that I could have made and didn’t, my eyes glaze over and I give thanks for whatever powers-that-be for snatching me out of the probable abyss of temporary insanity teetering on the brink of permanence. My decision to eschew resolutions is the wisest resolution I’ve made in this, or any other lifetime.

Just think of it. The do’s. The don’ts. Write more, eat less. Exercise more, spend less. Cook more, eat out less. Meditate more, judge less. It’s mind numbing. And guilt producing.

The other day I found myself feeling just a slight bit irritated for having allowed myself to wander away from the path of joyful inner peace. Was it non-resolutionary guilt, I wondered? I caught myself singing the Whiffenpoof song.

We’re poor little lambs who have lost our way … little black sheep who have gone astray … bah, bah, bah … doomed from here to eternity … Lord have mercy on such as we—blah blah blah.

Really? Do I really think that of myself? The very thought of such a thing sent me off into another conversation with myself.

I’m on a downhill slide.

No, you’re not. You just think you are.

I can’t seem to get myself turned around.

You just think that you can’t. You can.

I know. But I’m stuck

No you’re not.

Why do you keep denying my feelings?

Because you’re wrong.

But if I feel this way, then I feel this way. And you’re telling me that I don’t.

You may feel the way you feel, but it is a denial of the truth of who you are.

Oh. I think I get it. I’m putting emPHAsis on the wrong sylLABle—again.

Exactly. You are putting the emphasis on the false ego self that you think you are.

Fine. That’s all well and good, but I’m still stuck.

. . . And here I am now, a decade later, and happily, I’m unstuck—thanks in part, at least, to some unlikely help; a pandemic and a mishap became the catalysts that pushed me closer to the achievement of the goals I had not actually set.

Between Covid and a broken kneecap, I cook more and eat out less. Physical therapy requires exercise whether I like it or not, and when confined to the Lazygirl for days, and weeks on end, writing and meditation have become my best friends and favorite allies. Clearly, there is something to be said for a pandemic and broken kneecap. The best bonus? During my forced confinement, I wrote and published a second book after a 17-year hiatus. There are blessings in everything, if one but seeks to find.

Isn’t it strange how non-goals of years gone by became reality while I wasn’t looking? Sometimes the progress we’ve made is only visible when viewed through the lens of decades past. The True Self knows the desires of the heart, even if we don’t. All we need to do is drop the judgment we hold of ourselves and learn to trust that we will be given the answers to questions that we may not yet have asked. What we cannot do for ourselves, Higher Forces can do for us. What a blessing!

Happy New Year. Happy New Decade. May you look back upon all of your decades with satisfaction, gratitude and joy. What could be better than that?

Note: The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us)

PS: I wouldn’t be true to myself if I didn’t make at least one tiny little stab at the dreaded self-promotion. It’s my most unfavorite thing to do, but successful authors everywhere say that it must be done, so I’ll do it. Bah, bah, bah. If you’d like to have a look at my new book, please press here. Thank you!

It’s Never Too Late

In the infancy of a new year, there is always a lot of talk about goals, have you noticed? I flunked out of Goal-Setting 101 long ago once I realized that in my world, goals are a lost cause. I don’t know about you, but lost causes are not good for my self-esteem.

Yesterday I watched myself slide through the day substituting small, mundane tasks for the big ones that make me truly happy—the ones that move me one step closer to the achievement of my desires. Sometimes it feels like a gigantic accomplishment just to finish a nagging little job that gets shifted from one day to the next, but those mini accomplishments don’t bring much joy at the end of the day when my head hits the pillow. Mostly, they’re just con jobs that I pull on myself to make me think that I’ve accomplished something really worthwhile.

My wise mother lived by the philosophy that she had wasted a day if she did not complete at least one task that she would not ordinarily do in the space of one day. For her that could be polishing the silver, or letting a hem down for a growing daughter. For me, it might be writing a blog, or taking one step in the direction of the shameless promotion of my new book, Voices: Who’s in Charge of the Committee in My Head?

To all appearances, yesterday’s activities (or lack thereof) didn’t exactly catapult me any closer to the achievement of my heart’s desires, but they did at least regenerate an interest in revisiting what those desires are. That may not be much, but at least it’s a start.

By the way, if you happen to be a member of the senior set like me, it might help to remember that we’re never too old to dream. Grandma Moses started her career as an artist in her 70’s. My mother married the love of her life when they were both in their 80’s and soon after, they sailed off into the sunset on a European honeymoon leaving the rest of us in the wake of their joy. My joy came last year when, in my 80’s, I published a second book—18 years after the first. It’s never too late to start something new.

But that was then, and this is now, and what will I do today to make my head happy when it hits the pillow tonight? How about if I write a blog? Or maybe do a bit of book promotion? Oh no! That’s the part that makes me want to stick my head back into the sand. My head prefers a pillow.

Well, today I wrote a blog, and maybe even snuck a teensy bit of book promotion into the mix. I’d say that I killed two-birds with one stone, but since I would not feel good about dusting off a couple of innocent birds, I’ll just say that I checked a couple of to-do’s off my list that hadn’t even made it onto the list.

Ah. My head and I will rest happily tonight.

Now, I’d like to ask you a question. If you were to do just one thing today that would make you happy tomorrow, what would that be? I’d really like to hear your thoughts about that! If you feel so inclined, please share in the comments section.

P.S. If you’d like to have a look at my new book, please press here. I’m not sure if I’ve aced Links 101 yet, but if not, you may need to click twice. There’s always something new to learn—at any age, right?