Opting for Better Options

Our-very-survival-hinges-on-global-cooperation-3-223-768x644

Another day, another blog.  I think I’m beginning to get the hang of it.

In the continuing saga of my cobweb-clearing time-out, I took an early morning walk down to the lake for another round of peaceful space-staring and thumb-sucking.  My bench was covered with morning dew.  Rats!  I stood shifting from one foot to another for a while, trying to figure out if I wanted to soggy myself up with morning dew or give it up and go back home.  I decided in favor of dry bottom and headed home.  Phooey.  Oh well—on to Plan B, whatever that is.  I guess I’ll have to make it up as I go.

On the return trip I met Kathleen and her dog Charlie (by their dogs ye shall know them) and we chatted for a while about my dog Charlie who, sadly, crossed the Rainbow Bridge last February.  The thing about dog lovers is that nobody ever runs out of something to talk about.  Ah, but I digress.  After swapping names and contact information with my new friend, I went on my happy way and came upon an old friend—one I’ve known for several years.  Old friend, new friend, grateful for all friends no matter age nor tenure.

But again I digress.  This morning I saw a horrifyingly fascinating video of a full grown leopard with an alligator equal in size clamped between its massive jaws, hauling the thing out of the water and up a hill.  It was pretty clear that one of the two was headed for the Rainbow Bridge, and my money was on the leopard.  That is not a picture that I will soon forget.

To say that the scene was unsettling would be an understatement at the very least, made  worse because there was something in it that seemed vaguely familiar.  Uh oh.  It reminded me of myself.  Surely, nature is one of the best, and the cruelest of teachers.

I ask myself—am I the leopard or the alligator?  Sometimes when my attempt at trying to get something to conform to whatever it is that I want, I am tempted to grab the thing by the scruff of the neck like a puppy with a stuffed toy and shake it until its stuffings fall out.  It’s a pretty sure bet that my temptation to wrestle my way through a situation won’t always work out in my favor.  Amidst a roomful of people who collectively agree with an idea that differs from my own, the chances of my success decrease exponentially.   Let go or die, kill or be killed.

Somewhere in this scenario, I do believe that there must be a better approach.  This morning’s aborted bench mission turned out to be just the blessing I needed.  I traded in a wet bottom for a warm heart and reminded myself that sometimes it’s a better idea to just unclench my jaws, let the alligator go, and opt for Plan B instead.  I may not get exactly what I wanted, but I just might get something even better.

Note:  The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).

Getting a Grip

True-responsibility-comes-3-221-768x644

Yesterday, when I went to fetch a copy of the blog du jour from the jaws of the printer, it wasn’t there.  Wait—where is it?  Didn’t I print it out?  Then I remembered—oops I forgot to write it.  After three months of perfect attendance, I forgot?  Really?  That can’t be good.

If you’ve been following along recently, you may remember reading that life in my lane has presented me with another marvelous opportunity to get over myself, learn another new lesson or two, and take the next step forward on the personal growth path. I make a wish for—oh, I don’t know—whatever floats my boat, and suddenly shazam—like magic, whoosh—here we go again off on another merry round of learning.  Watch what you wish for.

This time, it’s like someone came along and uttered one simple little sentence that pushed the plunger that exploded the dynamite that blew the cover off my foxhole that exposed me to the dirt that has lurked beneath the surface that tormented me for eons.  Whoa.  Scary.  I think I still must have a whole lot to learn.  At this point, I can’t say for sure how I’m doing, but every once in a while I catch a brief glimmer of hope.

I think that maybe the extended days of COVID restrictions are making us all a little crazy.  What started as a kind of interesting fun little extended recess at home moment has morphed into the realization that frustration has replaced fun, and that we will be socially distancing and wearing our masks for a v-e-r-y long time.  Our recess has gifted us with  frustration, exposing frayed nerves and tests of patience.  We are chomping at the bit to get back to the beaches, eat in restaurants, swim in pools, and return to our fitness centers.  Now, more than ever, we want and need physical activity to dissolve the stress and the frustration of the limitations placed upon us.  I have lost control of certain aspects of my life and now, crankiness has replaced civility.   It is disturbing to watch as I try to wrestle my selfishness into the willingness to come to grips with my inability to have what I want when I want it.  No wonder I still have lessons to learn.

Uh oh, watch out everybody.  It looks like she is going to smack us with another cheery little lecturette again.  Always on a rainbow unicorn toot–love everybody, forgive everything, look for the good, blah blah blah.  Yep.  Preaching to myself, mostly.  I guess I won’t get it until I get it.  The good news, though, is that at least I know I will get around to listening to the smart Voice in my own head eventually.  Maybe someday I might even pay attention.

The only thing I know for sure is that I’ve finished today’s blog—or is this yesterday’s blog today?   I am brimming with the hope that I’ll ace this pesky marvelous growth opportunity soon.  Soon, soon, soon.  The current curriculum is pretty intense, but I’m not dropping out.  I’m going to stick in there no matter what, watch intently to see what unfolds next, and remember that tomorrow is another day and another blog.

Note:  The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).

The Lone Rainbow

Forgiveness-is-an-act-of-love-releasing-us-from-the-past-3-220-768x644

This morning I opened an email that sent me straight up and out of my Lazygirl off into the heat and humidity to have a walk through the wilds of the neighborhood and a little talk with myself in the hope of getting my head straight and finding a bit peace and serenity along the way.

Trust the good old Universe to present the perfect opportunity to learn a lesson at just the right time.  Heap it on, I say.  Let’s see how much I can take before it all crashes down around my shoulders and crushes the life out of me.  Okay, so the pedal is to the metal.  Can I put my money where my mouth is and practice what I preach?  Good question, I say to myself, as I try to claw my way through the clutter of my mind in search of a bit of daylight.  It’s all well and good to carry on like the rainbow unicorn that I like to pretend that I am, but are unicorns really real?  Is this another test?

I walk to the lake and park myself on a shady bench to meditate and cogitate for a while in hopes of getting what I came for.  I watch as my mind bounces me up and down like a yoyo traveling at warp speed.  It’s all too much to sort through.  Too many twists and turns, too many complications and complexities, too many emotions coming from too many directions, too much at stake, too many possible outcomes, not all of them good.

I hear a slight splash that calls my attention to the water’s surface and watch as ripples spread in concentric circles from the point of center.  It dawns on me that my thoughts and feelings spread out from my own point of center and wash over everything and everyone within range, and that the range is infinite.

There is something within me that wants to hang on to anger and gnaw on it like a Doberman with a juicy bone, to not let go until I’ve sucked the essence out of it.  A saying from Eckhart Tolle flashes across my mind:  Sometimes letting things go is a far greater power than defending or hanging on.  Now if I could just convince my mind about that.  Would that I could just practice what I preach about the power of the mind.  It isn’t easy, but at least it’s a goal.  Goals count for something.

So I have another talk with myself between the yoyo bounces and try to talk myself into shifting gears from anger into forgiveness.   I try to remember that the ripples aren’t mine alone, but that they reach into infinity and therefore affect everyone else in their path, even those who are innocent bystanders.

This morning’s ripple effect reminds me that thoughts matter and that what I choose to think makes a difference.  In my quest for peace, I realize that it’s a lonely endeavor, an inside job.  No one can hand it to me; I have to find it within myself.  It looks as if I’ve fallen a little short of passing the test today.  I haven’t made it to total forgiveness yet but I’m working on it—maybe tomorrow.  Like yesterday’s pony in the manure, somewhere, there’s a rainbow, and I’ll find it eventually.  After all, what’s a unicorn without the rainbow?

The Path of Joy

The-awakening-Soul-commissions-us-3-170-768x644

In spite of yesterday’s blog extolling the virtues of living in the shiny new moment of now and of not reliving my yesterdays, sometimes bits of the past come flying up unexpectedly and hurl themselves in front of my face screaming for attention.  So much for peace of mind.  Hagotcha!  Darn.  I thought I was over that.  Maybe not, else why would it reappear?  Is this another test?

Well, so here’s the good news—at least these nagging bedevilments are making themselves known so that I can decide whether or not to address them or just shovel them back down into the dirt out of sight, out of mind.  But if allowed free rein, they just keep coming up again.  And again.  Shall I listen up and pay attention, or shall I get out the shovel?  My choice.

In the midst of my most recent in-your-face confrontation with the ego, I had a peek through the window of my soul and could see how easy it is to allow despair and depression to take control and cloud judgment.  In my role as a witness I could clearly observe myself in a head-to-head conflict over which aspect of myself would win the battle—the ego, or the Self.

Let me just say—I do not like conflict.  Conflict in any form, either with myself or another person makes me want to turn and run the other way.  Yep—I admit it.  I’m a coward.  If I pull the ostrich act and don’t see it, I won’t have to deal with it.  But if there is no facing it, there is no resolving it.  Obviously, it won’t just magically disappear itself because it will just come up.  Again.

The quest for personal growth presents moments such as these.  It means mustering up the willingness and courage to confront anything that stands in the way of achieving the bliss of a peaceful mind.  Yes, sometimes it brings up issues that I’d rather not deal with, but the struggle is worth the reward of awakening to the yearning of the Soul that wishes for nothing more than to bestow the gift of joy.

These days, when I am rudely awakened by past memories and unhappy thoughts that trigger old wounds, I take my own advice and remind myself to be grateful for the recognition that there is something within me that needs my loving attention.  I ask for help with forgiveness and  pray for the release of anything that no longer serves to bring me closer to my Self, my Soul.  It is safe to take my head out of the sand and breathe freely because conflict has evaporated.   No longer must I learn through suffering and struggle, for that path has been transformed into one of joy.

Ah.  Blessed relief.  Now I am back in the shiny new moment of now.

Note:  The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).

Light Up the Dark Corners

Let-us-light-the-light-together-3-105-768x644

Some days it’s hard not to become disheartened by bad news.  I may have stopped watching TV, but still, it’s hard to avoid the stories about customers who verbally and physically attack retail employees, or protesters with oozies out to protect their selfish rights, or governmental corruption, lies, political dirty tricks, and round and round we go where she stops, God only knows.  So much ugliness in the world coming at us from so many different directions.  Heaven help us.

If I were to allow myself to focus on all of this distressing news, surely I would be caught up in a frenzy of hopelessness unable to see a way out, or worse, be sucked into the fray by the unbridled fear-mongering heaped upon us daily by the media.   It’s why I turned off the TV.

We need to see the light.

My mother used to say, “Light up the dark corners.”  When she said it, she meant the room.

When I say it, I mean the world.

Before he died in 1991 at age 40, Lee Atwater, chairman of the Republican National Committee and manager of George Bush’s 1988 successful presidential campaign, took responsibility for his actions of “naked cruelty” by setting out upon a mission of making amends to those who had been hurt by his underhanded political tactics.  “I did not invent negative politics,” he said, “but I am one of its most ardent practitioners.”

His deathbed confessions and apologies, according to some who knew him well, were fueled by his fear that he would go to hell for his actions.  Perhaps this could be considered as an unlikely side benefit that fear provides for motivation for a change of heart.

Whatever the cause of his desire for repentance, it pales in comparison to the implication that change is not an impossible dream, even under the very worst of conditions.  In fact, it may even seem miraculous that a man capable of such incredible manipulation and control might suddenly turn into the poster child for political good behavior and seek forgiveness for his self-serving actions.

It gives me hope.  It gives me the hope that if Lee Atwater saw the light and could change, perhaps others will as well.  It is not an impossible dream.  Minds are changed one at a time.  Perhaps the light might dawn upon one angry customer, or one armed protester, or one corrupt politician and bring about a change of heart.

If one person lights one match in a darkened room, all will be able to see.  If one person turns on one light in one corner of a dark room, the room will be illuminated.  Each one of us who sees and focuses on the light helps to dispel the darkness.  Each one of us can help to change the world, one mind at a time.

When enough of us participate in lending light to the darkness, when the world is well enough lit, we will all enjoy the beauty, harmony, and bounty of a glorious new life on our beloved earth.

So please help in the effort of transformation and turn on your light.  Light the match.  Light the light.  See the light.

Light up the dark corners.

Note:  The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).

The Heart Knows the Way

Intelligence-of-your-heart-2-238-768x644

Yesterday I was broke. Here  Today I am lazy.

The day that I was born, my sister became my mother and adopted me as her very own living, breathing baby doll.  The fact that she was only two years older did not get in her way.  She went about her task with fierce determination, meeting my every need before I needed it,  doing everything for me that I could not do for myself.  She continued her mothering duties well past the years when I was old enough to do for myself.  Not surprisingly, I earned the reputation for being lazy because for some odd reason, I simply didn’t bother to do anything for myself.  Imagine that.

I won’t give her full credit nor blame for my well-earned lazy reputation, because chances are that I showed up in life with lazy as my middle name.  Nonetheless and even so, in her well-meaning mothering helpfulness, she facilitated the process and sealed the deal.  Lazy I was.

My family claimed that I liked to get up earlier so I could loaf longer.   Efficiency experts agree: If you want to get something done, give it to the laziest person in the room because she will find the quickest, easiest, fastest way to get the job done.  So true.  Efficiency equals longer loaf time.

If there is any truth in my belief that we arrive here on classroom earth with a fully loaded curriculum specifically tailored for our soul’s growth, then I was parked in the perfect family to help me realize and understand my need to overcome the obstacles that I brought with me into the classroom.  Broke and lazy.

But here’s the good news.  Like two sides of the same coin, we also come equipped with the wherewithal and the way to grab our demons by the tail and fling them over the cliff of self-doubt and fear.  We have the ability to gain mastery over ourselves and whatever beliefs we hold that cast a shadow over the joy that is our inherent birthright.  It’s all a part of the journey toward wholeness.

Easier said than done, one may say.  How do you erase the pain of the past and heal old, worn out belief systems that stand in the way of personal peace and happiness?  How does one answer such a question in the Reader’s Digest version of a lifetime quest?

For two years I held a grievance involving a husband and a friend.  Not until I was able to see the profound damage that I was doing to myself by my unwillingness to forgive did I begin to realize the benefit of letting it go.  Incentive and willingness became the key.  Dear God, I want to forgive, but I don’t know how.  Please help.

Sometimes it helps to take a “what’s in it for me” approach.  Focus on the donut.  Seeing the benefit can provide the energy that fuels the desire to make a change, even though doing so may be uncomfortable.  Every situation is different.  Every solution is different.  Every soul is a wise teacher with our best interests at heart.  Follow your heart, ask for help, listen to the teacher, study hard for your tests, and a diploma is your sure reward..  It isn’t easy, but it’s always worth it.  Godspeed.

Note:  The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).

Learning Lessons in Real Time

IMG_1061

I just spent a couple of hours writing today’s blog.  I put the finishing touches on it before pushing the publish button, then accidentally pushed the delete button instead.  Shoot me now.  It was all about how everything happens for a reason and that there is a lesson that can be found in every unhappy, unfortunate situation.  Well now.  Didn’t I just give myself the opportunity of a lifetime to practice what I preach?  Back to square one.  Sigh.

Fellow writers and bloggers, can you relate?  Lesson 1:  Save.  I knew that, but I flunked Save.  Some of us are slow learners.

So I suck my heart back up out of my stomach and begin again.  Okay, so where was I?  There was something about learning from my mistakes, about wrenching my elbow out of joint while trying to extract my foot from my mouth, blah blah blah.

It was about converting miseries into miracles.  I felt pretty good about it too, and even managed to find a link to add (a shortcoming, you may recall) but now alas, poof—it’s all gone.  Maybe with luck I can find a new link to the thing about links.  Stay tuned but don’t hold your breath.

Meanwhile, like the kid in the room with all of the manure, I know that there must be a pony in here somewhere.

Well I’m just going to have to fumble my way through this one till I find a point, or come to an end, or figure it out, or giggle my way through this cruel twist of fate, or maybe suss out a lesson, or learn to get by on a hum, a wing, and a prayer.  You know—resort to your basic stream-of-consciousness stuff.  What can I say?

One of the things that I’ve learned along the way is that by the time I’ve pushed the publish button, I feel as if I’ve put in a whole day’s work and it’s only 9:00 a.m.  I’m done.  It’s breakfast first then nap.  Like I always say—we get to repeat our lessons until we learn them.  Repeat, repeat, repeat.

It would really be cool if the missing blog suddenly reappeared like magic but I doubt that’s going to happen.  But the miracle that I was talking about in the missing blog was about finding compassion, love, healing, and happy endings in the midst of what I call the miseries, those life situations that make you want to pull the ostrich act and run off in search of sand into which to stick the head, kind of like now, this moment, when I’d like to run off and stick my head under the covers.

Well so here’s my question to myself.  Have I learned anything here (besides push the Save button, I mean)?  I don’t know about that yet.  It’s a little too soon.  Maybe I’ll figure it out later.  Or not.

Maybe it’s just about another lesson in letting go, and going with the flow, of being okay with the way things are, of loving and forgiving myself in spite of my silly foibles, of making the best of whatever the situation is.  The deleted blog took a lot of time and thought.  This one was whipped off in about ten minutes and was a whole lot more fun to write.  Don’t know about you, but I enjoyed the process.  Hope you enjoyed the read!

Ta ta for now.  Off for my nap.

Note:  The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).

In Search of Truth

Finding-truth-is-no-easy-matter-2-242-768x644

My current favorite pandemic meme came straight from of jaws of Facebook and suggests that perhaps God is sending us all to our rooms to give us time to consider what we’ve done.

Oh my.  Well that could be a scary thought.

Oh?  And why is that?

Well, duh.  It could bring up all sorts of hidden stuff like guilt, and what I did wrong, and what I didn’t do that I should have, and what I did that I shouldn’t have.  You know stuff like that.

That is true.  And would that be such a bad thing?

Well it wouldn’t be very much of a comfort.  I mean, after all, who wants to see the parts and pieces of themselves that they’ve been hiding from for a lifetime?

Ah. Perhaps you speak of the ego, the personality, the “small” self of the individual that feels disconnected from the larger Self.  And speaking of disconnection, We sense that you have allowed yourself to drift off into the world of ego and are considering the impact of today’s writing upon the reader.

Oops.  You would be correct.

May we remind you that your task is to simply write?  There is no need for you to judge the words, nor how they may be perceived by those who read them.

Thank you.  But it is still a little tempting to get a bit squirrely about whether or not I’ll be considered nuts.

We understand.  And again, We remind you that what others think of you is irrelevant, for they will see you through the lens of their own perspective.  We know that remnants of self-doubt occasionally rise up and play a role in your actions, choices, and decisions, and clearly, We see that this is one such occasion.  We applaud the progress that you have made thus far in releasing this obstacle that occasionally stands in the way of your peace of mind, and for the courage it takes for your willingness to be transparent.  Under these circumstances it is natural then, that a sense of hesitancy still exists.

Again, you would be correct.  But I’ll get over it.  Today for the first time since the pandemic lock-down, there is a bit of structure to my day and I need to get on the move.  But I promised myself that I would blog every day, and today, this is it.  How do I feel about it?  I don’t know.  But I’ll push the publish button anyway, and let the chips fall where they may.  There are lessons to be learned in every situation, and I’m happy to learn mine, no matter now comfortable or uncomfortable they may be.

Thanks Pandemic for this opportunity to stop and consider what I have done.  Oh—and to love and forgive myself for whatever it is that I think I may have done wrong.

Happy Easter everyone.  May we rise up together into a glorious new beginning!

PS:  If you are dazed and confused by what you just read (if in fact you even made it this far), it may be because you missed the last one or two blogs.  Reading them will put this one in context.

Note:  The beautiful image and meme are courtesy of New Waves of Light (NWOL.us).

 

Who Are We?

The-soul-is-the-imponderable-element-that-distinguishes-two-identical-twins-1-482-768x644.jpg

When I was a very young child, a puzzling question popped into my mind from out of the blue.  It was a question that I pondered for decades and was the one that started me on my quest to answer the eternal ‘Who am I’ and ‘why am I here’ questions.

While in the midst of playing with a friend from kindergarten one day, I found myself poking my little finger at her small body, and then back at my own asking, “Who is that in there?  And who is this in here?”  I continued the conversation in my head for a bit longer and more questions came to mind.  Why do you live with your family, and why do I live with mine?  Why are you you, and why am I me?  Heavy questions for a five-year old to ponder.

On my spiritual journey decades later, I received answers to my questions.  There is no “you” and there is no “me” because in Truth, we are all One joined in spirit and connected by the same Divine Source.

We are born into different life scenarios designed to provide opportunities for us to move toward our highest possible evolution. We arrive on the planet wrapped in individual bodies appearing to be separate, but beneath the wrappings of so many beautiful hues, the bottom line is that while on this earth, you are you, and I am me, but in Truth, we are We, and We are One.

In closing, a final thought about forgiveness comes to mind.  Whether it is yourself you forgive or another, forgiving one is the same as forgiving all for indeed, Oneness is all encompassing.

Blessings to One and All, dear brothers and sisters.

Note:  The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).   

Return to Sanity

person in gray long sleeved shirt standing on top of mountain
Photo by MaLeK DriDi on Pexels.com

I’ve been gone for what seems like an eternity—off by myself again wandering around aimlessly in the desert trying to find my way back home.  Another blogger asked a question worth pondering—if I stopped blogging, would anyone notice?  I would.  I noticed that I have gone missing, but I couldn’t seem to find the oomph to get myself back on the return trip toward home.  Perhaps because I temporarily lost the way.  Sometimes it is very hard to return to sanity whilst being on vacation from one’s own head.  When I’m out there doing the aimless-wander dance, I wrestle with feelings of self-doubt and guilt because I think that I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing, whatever that is.  Perhaps you might be somewhat familiar with the feeling?

I don’t quite know what it is that drags me off course, but the one thing I do know is that the real problem here is that I have wandered away from God.  I have wandered away from that part of myself that is the best of me, and collided head-on into the self that I’ve been trying to avoid for as long as I’ve been on my spiritual journey.  It doesn’t usually go very well.  I don’t think that escape is the answer.

When I’m away, I experience lethargy, laziness, sloth (hmm—isn’t that one of the seven deadly sins?), and a general sense of malaise that eats away at self-esteem and sends me straight into the despair of zero self-worth.  Eeks!  That’s not a very nice place to live!  Feelings of low self-worth sneak in while we are looking the other way and inflict torture upon most of us at one time or another whether we are aware of it or not.  Now that’s a condition truly worth avoiding!

Once it finally dawns on me that my sojourn into the desert is a lonely one, and that it robs me of the joy that is my true birthright, it’s enough get me to hop on my camel and gallop out of the desert as fast as I can–or at least as fast as a camel’s legs will allow–and I return happily to my quiet time with God, and yes—maybe even blogging.  But sometimes that realization comes at the speed of molasses in January.  Why is that, I wonder?  And what is it that makes me wander off in the first place?  Maybe that part doesn’t matter.  Maybe I just need to keep my eye on the end goal and enjoy the jagged journey along the way.

My last blog was written nearly two months ago on July 13 and yes, rather recently I have heard from a few readers asking about it, and for that I say thank you for your encouragement.  So often a little nudge from others is all that is needed to provide a wandering soul with renewed faith and the desire to move forward on the path.  So much of life is about intention.  Do I intend to finish this blog, or will I get halfway through, take the dog for a walk, and forget it, as I have so many others?

Will I sit down every morning and spend my quiet time conversing with God, or will I keep Him waiting and instead fritter away precious hours and minutes checking emails, tweaking my daily to-do list, reading negative news, or fretting over undone chores—then suddenly wake up to the realization that I’ve gone missing and lost my senses again? God doesn’t care if the laundry gets folded or if there are dishes in the sink.  God has more important things than household chores on Her mind.

Here’s the thing. God gave me an assignment—a job to do—and if I don’t do it, I’m not holding up my end of the bargain. Not that God bargains, mind you—it’s just that I’m the one who entered into the contract.  I’m the one who said, “Okay, God, if this is all you ask, it is the least I can do.”  All God asks is that we be happy, and that we find the joy that dwells deep within our hearts and waits patiently to be found.  The only thing that God asks of us is that we realize that we are loved and forgiven, and that we have no reason to think or feel anything less than that.   I’m the one who lays self-doubt and guilt at my own feet by allowing myself to slip into the false belief of thinking that I am less than I am.

When I am able to remember my assignment, my promise to God that I will love myself as She loves me, feelings of low self-worth,  guilt and self-doubt fade and transform into the remembrance that I am truly a beloved child of God, perfect just as I am.  And so are you.  And so is everyone else, even though sometimes appearances may say otherwise.

This week a little voice in my head suggested that I take my umbrella into Trader Joe’s.  Did I listen?  No, of course not.  When I emerged from the store after all of five minutes, torrential rain was flooding the parking lot.  Clearly, there is something in me that is a whole lot smarter than I am, and one day perhaps I’ll learn to listen.  Meanwhile, I’m going to do my darnedest to quit taking little side trips into the wilderness and make a commitment to honor my prayerful intentions instead.  Wish me luck!

Now I must ask myself the question—am I going to push the publish button now or am I going to make myself crazy wondering if it’s good enough?  Cheech.  There I go again—listening to that pesky self-doubt voice instead of to the one that’s smarter than I am, the one that makes helpful little suggestions, like, “Take your umbrella.”   Whenever will I learn? Or maybe the real question is—when will I not forget?  Does it all have to be perfect?  No.  Does it really matter?  No.  Is it a good thing to be content with whatever is?  Absolutely.

Thank you good readers for the nudge that I needed to get my feet back onto the return–to-God path.  It feels great to be back and God willing, I’ll stay stay put, resist the temptation to wander away again, and see you soon.  It is unbelievably comforting to know that God loves me when I’m ornery.  He loves me when I am small and petty.  He loves me when i procrastinate, when I’m lazy, and especially when I’m behaving like a sloth.  He loves me no matter what.  What a gift.  What a wonderful God!

Yep.  I’m doing it.  There’s nothing quite like pushing the publish button to bring joy and set my feet back on the path.  Before I push it though, just a thought to remember–God loves you and so do I.  What is there to say but Thank You Thank You Thank You God?

To that I say Amen!