It’s not always a good idea to rummage around in the past, but if done in search of sweet memories to savor rather than to excavate old buried wounds, one might find a world of riches buried within.
One of my sweet memories of the past floated to the surface this morning as I savored the memory of my days as a devotee of Siddha Yoga, when I was constantly intrigued by the profound effect that the mysterious teachings of the guru had upon me and upon my life. Sometimes, the lessons were immediate and obvious; sometimes they so subtle that I barely noticed until months or years later, when I finally got it.
On one of my visits to the ashram, a course was being offered on selfless service. When I tried to enroll, I was told that the course was not open to people over the age of 50. What? Why not?? Was it too late for the over-50 crowd? If we hadn’t learned whatever we needed to know by now, were we hopeless? But as often happens in the world of a guru, there was no answer to the why. I left in a quandary and spent the entire following year hoping that the answer would float to the surface and solve the puzzle. It didn’t.
On my next visit to the ashram a year later, a fellow devotee unexpectedly answered the question that I hadn’t asked. People over 50 are supposed to focus less on selfless service and more in contemplation of their death. Huh. Now there’s a juicy rich subject worthy of another year’s worth of puzzlement if ever there was one, right?
I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
Odd though it may sound, answering this question has become my lifelong quest, the guidepost that lights my path toward the accomplishment of my goals, vision, and purpose. My focus is on the endgame—to heal what needs healing, correct the errors of the past, have my affairs in order, and do my utmost to earn my diploma and graduate into the next higher realm of learning. It keeps me sane and on track; it diverts my attention away from behaving in ways that are not in my best interest, and supports me in embracing the behavior that is.
I really miss hanging out with Gurumayi, but the truth is that her work with me is finished. She sent me home to the sanctuary of own my heart and turned me over to the care and keeping of my Higher Self, my Soul, to All That Is, where my education will continue, and answers to the mysteries of life will be revealed in their own time. I am blessed to be in the very good company of professors who are kind and compassionate, who make learning a joy. Now if I will only listen…
Note: The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).