To quote Fagin, the self-serving villain in the movie version of Oliver, “I think I’ll have to think it through again.” Instead of my usual habit of rolling out of bed and into the Lazygirl in search of material for today’s blog, I took a walk to think it through again. I parked myself on a bench and stared at some water for a while and contemplated the myriad of questions roiling around in my head. Clearly, this is a break in routine. Thanks. I needed that.
Starting today, I have four appointments in two days. Life is returning to my calendar whether I like it or not, and I can’t say that I do. The awareness is creeping in that daily blogs, appointments, and obligations become combatants for time dominance, which leads me to wonder about my daily blogging commitment. So many questions.
As I sat on my bench thinking things through, it dawned on me that I have developed a rigidity about my commitment to self-discipline. No smoking, no drinking, no TV. Period. I dare not slip lest I become hooked again. No means no. Does the same thing apply to my blogging, and If I miss a day, does that mean that I’ve welched on my commitment?
Was there a timeline involved? Was there a clause in the contract allowing a renegotiation after sixty days? Is it okay to take a day off occasionally, or maybe make it to the three-month mark and review the contract? Is this a temporary assignment or a permanent one? Are readers weary of pushing the delete button when blog overload happens? Will a performance review probe motives and provide a progress report?
I have no idea. But apparently, there is a little soul searching to do here. I guess I’ll just have to keep at it until I receive some answers. Meanwhile, I’m putting myself on notice that after I have consulted myself and my Self, there may be a change in plan. Stay tuned.
I guess that finding a little balance in life must be part of the agenda, because I see that living life in the lopsided lane doesn’t work very well for me. Perhaps these challenging questions are all part of a great cosmic test, and if so, I suspect that this is one of them. One thing that I do know for sure— It’s always easier when I know that it’s a test.
Note: The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).