Some days are just better than others. Some days I can sit down at the computer and stuff rolls out faster than I can type. Other days, not so much. Today is one of those other days. I keep wanting to compare my life to my jumbled computer filing system, but that’s just bad news and doesn’t work out well. It’s frustrating.
Friends tell me that during the pandemic, they’ve cleaned out every drawer, every closet in their home. I, on the other hand, have added to my disorganization by creating a new anthology of computer files thanks to my recent habit of writing a daily blog. Good luck to me if I want to add a link to something that I wrote days or weeks ago, because I can’t find it. One of these days I’ll print them all out and stick them in a notebook with some sort of index system. The whole sorry mess mirrors the closets and drawers of my life that still beg for my attention. Sigh
Wait—is this the point where my dear friend who was upset with me for not showing myself in a more favorable light might be angry with me again? Or perhaps is it the point where I might be a little angry with myself? (See? A link here would be a really nice touch, wouldn’t it?)
Okay, now I‘m stuck. Where am I supposed to be going from here? Is this the moment of panic where I say to myself, “See? I knew I couldn’t do it!”? Nope. Not going there.
Maybe it’s time to have a little chat with myself. Okay, fine. So I’m stuck. It’s not the end of the world. Maybe there’s a reason for stuck. Is there a point to all of this go-nowhere jabber? Am I missing something?
Oh—I get it. Maybe the point is that I don’t always have to know what I’m doing, or what is going on, but it’s okay, because that’s life. Maybe the point is that there doesn’t always have to be a point to everything, or that there may be one, but I just may not see it. Maybe my only job is to let life flow without having to control the outcome, or have an opinion about everything, and just let it be whatever it is. Maybe I’m just supposed to be the observer, the one who sits back, watches, and accepts without judging, who forgives and loves unconditionally.
I like it. That kind of a life would work for me—a-let-go-let-God sort of an existence. Maybe I just need to have enough faith, enough trust in the process to know that it’s all okay, whatever it is. Pollyanna? Maybe. But isn’t that a better existence than stressing out over every cluttered closet or lost computer file, or guys who run around with M-14’s because they don’t want to wear masks?
Maybe it’s time to practice equanimity and work on seeking a balance between being and doing (Be-Do). I can be Pollyanna and still clean up a few computer files along the way. I can shift my focus from fear to love. I can have a little faith, trust myself, and add a link. And I did. Yay me. It’s a start. Just start. Maybe that’s the point.
Note: The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).