I read that clothing sales are down and pajama sales are up. Small wonder. A life in the day of a pandemic—wait—what day is it today? Time and waistlines are partners in expansion.
This week has brought me a case of lethargy complete with days that roll on by at both the crawl of a turtle and the speed of light. Is that even possible? I get up, arm myself with my coveted cup of coffee, park myself in my Lazygirl, and suck my thumb for a while until the caffeine kicks in. I contemplate, meditate, then write the blog du jour and from there, it becomes a downhill slide.
All of my good intentions, my stabs at creating a life of balance between inner and outer work go cattywampus as I search for the eject button on the Lazygirl. Huh. There doesn’t seem to be one. Drat. An unnerving pile of laundry grows in the night while layers of dust turn the dark hardwood floor the color of ash—evident mostly in the morning sun that shines its light on a dusty path as I make my way to the kitchen. Handy for me I have a friend who loves her new vacuum cleaner so much that she runs around our condo building looking for floors to vacuum. It’s a Teneco by the way. Never heard of it, but if I didn’t have her to do it for me, I might have to buy one.
I know there’s a message in here somewhere. I just need to find it. Ummm—it might have to do with how I feel about myself as I laze away the days living like a slug. Yep. That’s it. How do I feel about myself? Not good. It feels as if I’m letting myself down again by not doing the things that I know are good for me. I’m not listening to the urging of the quiet voice within myself that encourages me to get up and get moving. Life in the slug lane does not produce a feel-good sense of self. It’s depressing and I don’t like depressing. It’s enough to make me decide that it’s time to do something about my attitude. But what?
Just get up and get moving. Oh, really? Is that all? How you do that without energy, enthusiasm, or will? What am I missing? Hmmm.
Oops. Maybe I’ve lost sight of what matters most. Maybe I’ve forgotten to keep my eye upon the donut and slid headlong down into the emptiness of the hole. Maybe I have lost sight of my meaning, purpose, goals, or flunked willingness. As much as I want to clear away the dust and return to a cleaner, clearer better version of myself, there are just times when I need help. Pay attention, Julia. Ask for what you need.
Okay, God. I can’t do this myself. I need some willingness please. Like magic, willingness appears and morphs into want to. Instant presto—the fans are flamed and I’m back. When that happens—watch out world—here I come.
Forgetfulness is a mistake that I seem to repeat, but as an earnest student in the university of life, I get to retake my classes until I learn what I must. Since one of my goals is to graduate with honors, I’d better get busy and work for an A+ in Feel-Good 101.
Note: The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).