April 2020 – Page 2 – Voices in My Head

What Do You Believe?

“We are never more than a belief away from our greatest love, deepest healing, and most profound miracles.” – Gregg Braden

Good morning my dear Friends.

I’m slipping already! Only eleven days into my new Voices gig and already I want to give up. When will the reluctance go away—or will it? What is this resistance, anyway? Can we talk about that? I mean, I guess it all boils down to self-doubt, again, right? As much as I’d like to think that I have my act together, apparently, I don’t, and that’s hard to admit to myself. Rats! I feel as if I have been given a mission-impossible assignment that I’m not comfortable with. It brings up issues about how others see me, and how I see myself. I get that others think of me is none of my business, but what about what I think of me? I’m the one who has to live with myself. When does this merry-go-round of self-judgment end? When can I get off? What do you want from me?

We want your joy and your happiness. We want you to love what you are doing. We do not ask you to do anything that will make you feel unhappy or uncomfortable. We simply offer ideas, suggestions, and opportunities—“assignments” as you like to call them—that will move you closer to your heart’s desire. Whether or not you choose to accept them is entirely up to you. If you feel that something you have chosen to do is too much for you in the moment, you are free to change your mind, but in so doing, we encourage you to do so without self-recrimination. We wish to remind you of guidance that you received many years ago when you were struggling with a decision about whether or not to leave a job in which you were miserable. Do you remember what that guidance was?

Absolutely. It left a lifelong impression. “If you can stay and be happy, then stay, for there are many profound lessons to be learned. If, on the other hand, you stay and cannot be happy, then, by all means leave, for to stay in a place where you are not happy is not beneficial to your or for anyone else.”

And?

I made a decision in favor of my heart’s desires and stayed for another five years.

So basically, you shifted your belief system from seeing your job as a miserable experience into thinking of it as an opportunity to take another step forward on the ladder of evolution, correct?

Yes. Eye upon the donut and not upon the hole.

And the donut?

The donut was the long-term benefit of hanging in there in spite of the difficulties.

And the hole?

The killer pavement pounding, the crazy boss, the unreasonable demands.

Are you willing to apply the same guidance that you received so many years ago to the daily writing and publishing of Voices?

I can do anything one day at a time because by the inch it’s a cinch. Self-doubt is just another role, another part I’m playing—a character that isn’t real but simply a story made up in the mind of some scriptwriter to create an illusion of insanity.

I am not the character. I am the actor playing a part. And you know what? I really am quite sane, in spite of any appearances to the contrary! At least that’s the story that I’m telling myself for the moment.

It’s all about belief, right?

Yes. It is absolutely all about belief, and if it helps any, We want you to know that in spite of what you or anyone else thinks about you, We believe in you and We love you.

Note: The beautiful image and meme are courtesy of New Waves of Light (nwol.us).

The Zig Zag Path to Enlightenment

Good morning my Friends. I seem to be having a challenging time getting my writing act together this morning. Too many choices, too many possible directions. Aborted starts and stops, headed somewhere, going nowhere. Come to think of it, that sounds as bit like my life, doesn’t it?

It sounds quite a lot like your life, and like many others, We might add.

Shakespeare got it right when he said that all the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players. So true. So many roles, so many parts, so many characters.

Recently someone asked about my career. That’s a tough question and the answer is elusive because I never really had a well-defined career path. I just kind of zig-zagged my way through life selling whatever came along that I believed in enough to sell. I usually lasted for about six years in each venture, and like a butterfly that sucked the essence out of each flower, I moved on to the next available role as soon as the essence had been extracted. I didn’t exactly appear to be the pinnacle of stability. In my defense I will say that my references were always outstanding—except for my three-month three-month stint selling prearranged funerals. That was the pits and earned me my first and only mutual bye-bye experience. Always in each role though, there was learning to be done, skills to hone, a craft to master. Juicy essence indeed.

Though “Flaky” may have been my middle name, there were three constants that were the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, three passions that moved me forward on the path in spite of occasional zig-zags and side trips on my disjointed career path. Whatever the job du jour, I always kept my eye upon the donut and not upon the hole. The donut was writing, cheerleading, and the search for enlightenment, not necessarily in that order.

There are so many roads to travel, so many choices, so many options to explore, so many possibilities, each one with its own set of consequences, with its own unique outcome. Which one to pursue? Decisions, decisions. Not always my strong suit.

Hmmm. Maybe there’s a way to toss my three passions into a blender and have them come out as a delicious smoothie. Or maybe I’m confusing the blender with the holy grail.

Huh. I started out quoting Shakespeare and now I’ve morphed into Donna Quixote.

Well my Friends, it seems I’ve done all the talking here. I didn’t leave any room for You. In closing, is there anything that you would like to say?

Indeed, we would. We are delighted that you are choosing to do what makes you truly happy. Your willingness to overcome your misgivings about your writing commitment is a major step up the ladder toward enlightenment. It is an assignment, and you are fulfilling it. That you are doing so makes Us happy. You have our continuing love and support.

And that makes me happy. Thank you for being my cheerleaders, dear Friends.

Practice, Practice, Practice

Good morning. We have been waiting for you.

Yes, I know. I’m sorry. I got distracted by emails again. It is rude to keep You waiting.

We are always here with you, regardless of how long it takes you to join Us. Your arrival time is up to you. Each time you choose Us before all else serves to strengthen your will and moves you one step closer to the attainment of that which you desire.

I know, and before we go any farther here, I’d just like to take a minute to say thank you for always being there. For always being there, regardless of whether I show up or not. You wait for me no matter how long it takes, and I apologize whole heartedly for my dawdling ways. I imagine that you have plenty of stuff to do other than sit around and wait for me all day, or all month, or all year. So rude.

You are most welcome, dear one. And you are worth the wait, though we will most certainly rejoice when self-discipline tops your list of most important qualities to achieve.

I’m working on it, but obviously I still have a way to go. One foot in front of the other, one step at a time.

Is there something on your mind that you would like to talk about today?

Bunches.

Such as?

Such as making it through an entire night without stressing over what to write in the morning. That was exciting. I was also thinking about Bird by Bird, a wonderful little book that every aspiring writer should read. It is written by one of my favorite authors, Anne Lamott, who mirrors my own behavior about seeking instant feedback from the submission of something that she wrote. In her case, it’s running to the mailbox the day after dropping the manuscript of a new book in the mailbox, and for me, it’s checking emails a hundred times a day to see if there has been any response from a recent button-pushing publishing event.

You suggested yesterday that whatever anyone thinks of me or Voices is none of my business. That bears repeating because it feels like a really important lesson for me—right up there with self-discipline, detachment, and letting go of the outcome. Please keep reminding me that none of it is any of my business. My business is just to write and push the publish button. Spiritual practice.

Fleeting thoughts drift in and out of my head too swiftly to be captured. Whatever it is or was that I thought I might write today went its own way without me. It happens like that. Sort of like life. Sometimes it’s best to just let go, let it flow, and have faith that it’s fine exactly the way it is.

Chatting with My Self

Well here we go again – another adventure into a moment of the unknown. Blank page, blank mind, blinking cursor, can’t wait to see what’s coming my way.

May We suggest that you stop thinking and start writing?

That’s easy for you to say.

It’s easy for you to write. Please continue.

Would love to. No idea what to write about.

Anything. Just write anything.

Hmmm. Seems to me we have a little dé·jà vu here. Been there, done that. A bazillion times.

You’re stalling again.

Yes. I am. Trying to figure out what to write.

Overthinking is the enemy. Just write. We hear your censorship of thoughts, the continual evaluation of what is “safe” to say and what seems risky. We realize that courage is required to bare one’s soul aloud, so to speak, and while doing so in private is one thing, it is quite another to speak publicly so that others may hear. We understand your hesitancy to expose your innermost thoughts in light of the possibility of the judgment of others and the possible misperception of meaning. And We see that you are stuck in overthinking again. Would you care to have a word?

Sure, thanks. (Note: blinking cursor marks stare-at-blank-screen time). Yep. Stalling again.

Why would that be?

Because there is so much to say and I don’t think that I want to say any of it?

And why would that be?

Well, You said it for me. Fear of judgment and misperception.

Ah. If you allow fear to stand as an obstacle to the fulfillment of purpose, you will fail before you begin. Have you considered the possibility that it is not the fear of others that concerns you, but rather the fear of yourself?

Huh? I don’t get it.

If you look back at your life, you may begin to discern that you are the one standing in the way of your own progress. You are the one creating the fear that stops you in you in tracks. You are the one who has allowed concern about what others might think to hide the truth of who you are from the world. We know who you are. You cannot hide from Us. We invite you to quit hiding from yourself, and gather the courage to show yourself to the world.

Huh. Yesterday, my friend Nancy gave me two words that helped me to put this whole scary daily writing adventure into perspective. Spiritual Practice. Odd that I never thought of it myself, but then, I don’t always see things as clearly as I’d like. As I ask myself day after day why I have chosen to accept this assignment, it occurs to that though there are many reasons, one stands out among all others—at least for this moment—and that is to learn to delete “attachment to outcome” as an obstacle to doing what I am meant to do. Whatever anyone may think, perceive, or judge about this little journey of mine is none of my business. My job here is to simply do it and have faith that it’s all just exactly as it should be.

So there!!! Now all I have to do now is muster up the courage to push the publish button. Well, I always did enjoy pushing a button or two to see what happens . . .

So here we go—Wheeee!

Thank you Nancy. Thank you God.

Becoming, Becoming, Becoming

jigsaw puzzle — Photo by Magda Ehlers on Pexels.com

This conversation with someone else’s Self arrived by email late last night along with the question, “Did you write this?” No, I did not write it, but I certainly wish that I had, because it’s brilliant. I wanted to pass it along because it speaks volumes and is just too good to miss. To the unknown author,—whoever you are—kudos to you, and thank you.

Me: Hey God.
God: Hello…..
Me: I’m falling apart. Can you put me back together?
God: I would rather not.
Me: Why?
God: Because you aren’t a puzzle.
Me: What about all of the pieces of my life that are falling down onto the ground?
God: Let them stay there for a while. They fell off for a reason. Take some time and decide if you need any of those pieces back.
Me: You don’t understand! I’m breaking down!
God: No – you don’t understand. You are breaking through. What you are feeling are just growing pains. You are shedding the things and the people in your life that are holding you back. You aren’t falling apart. You are falling into place. Relax. Take some deep breaths and allow those things you don’t need anymore to fall off of you. Quit holding onto the pieces that don’t fit you anymore. Let them fall off. Let them go.
Me: Once I start doing that, what will be left of me?
God: Only the very best pieces of you.
Me: I’m scared of changing.
God: I keep telling you – YOU AREN’T CHANGING!! YOU ARE BECOMING!
Me: Becoming who?
God: Becoming who I created you to be! A person of light and love and charity and hope and courage and joy and mercy and grace and compassion. I made you for more than the shallow pieces you have decided to adorn yourself with that you cling to with such greed and fear. Let those things fall off of you. I love you! Don’t change! Become! Become! Become! Become who I made you to be. I’m going to keep telling you this until you remember it.
Me: There goes another piece.
God: Yep. Let it be.
Me: So…I’m not broken?
God: No – but you are breaking like the dawn. It’s a new day. Become!!

What perfect timing for this message to appear, at a moment when the world is paused and offers us a glorious opportunity to withdraw and be still awhile. How wonderful to be reminded that we are not broken, and that within each one of us there is a Voice that will guide us to the place deep within the soul where truth, beauty, and goodness reign. Godspeed to all who venture forth upon this quest to become, become, become. You are not alone.

Who is Speaking Please?

Voices, voices, voices. They come in many flavors, not all of them tasty nor appealing. This morning they’re badgering me about writing so much about me, me, me, I, I, I, as if I am the most fascinating, fabulous creature whoever walked the face of the planet.

B-o-r-i-ng! I mean, really. Who cares? Am I really so shallow that I have nothing to talk about other than myself? Really, who cares?

Hey—this is kind of fun!

Could you expound upon that please?

Yeah. It’s like the old days, the old Conversations, (A New Day is Dawning) when I’d just sit down and let ‘er rip, so to speak. It was an exhilarating experience that gave me such a sense of freedom to just blabber on and on about whatever popped into my head at any given moment. I couldn’t wait to get the fingers flying on the keyboard without censorship, editing, rewriting, or thought about what anyone might think. Unless and until, of course, the idea of putting it out into the world popped into my mind. Then I’d either freak out with fear of vulnerability or see myself featured on Oprah touting a best seller. No in between. Somewhere nestled between faith and fear, it was an incredibly wonderful tool that helped me sort through the tangle of voices that were in constant competition for my attention and for the control of my heart, head and mind.

Even better, I didn’t fret in the night and lose sleep over what to write about or what words were going to show up on the page. Absent was the fear that I would let myself down by quitting in the middle of my assignment. Now here I am, five days after my relaunched commitment, and that glorious sense of freedom has morphed into hard work, and I can’t say that I’m very happy about it. Now, daily writing feels more like a chore and less like a joy. It’s not the way I want to start a day and it’s not the what I want to look forward to for the rest of my life if I am to keep my commitment. The idea of spending half of every day writing a blog is off-putting. It would be so much better to just be able to incorporate it into my morning quiet time and be up about the rest of the day before the clock hits 9:00 am. I want it to be easy. I always want everything to be easy. It suits my lazy nature.

So that’s it, folks. That’s a tiny touch of Conversations for whatever it’s worth. To quote the esteemed Forest Gump, “. . . you never know what you’re gonna get.” Neither do I. But that’s the fun of it.

But here’s the thing—amidst the cacophony of voices that clamor for attention and control, there is ONE that will always have your best interest at heart. The key to finding it is to be still, listen in the silence, and you will hear.

That said and before signing off today, I’d like to leave you with a question. Did any of this bring to mind something worth pondering? Any thoughts, questions, or ideas worth thinking about? If so, I would love to hear from you in the comments section.

It’s 8:37 am and I’m ready to push the publish button. It may not be perfect, but it is what it is. Now that makes me happy. Whatever makes you happy, do it, I say!

May your day be glorious and may the voices in your head be silent except the one that loves you unconditionally.

Note: The beautiful image and meme above is courtesy of New Waves of Light (nwol.us).

Ask and It Shall Be Answered

Today is another one of those “Oh yikes—what have I done to myself?” days.

This newly hatched scheme to write and publish a daily blog tests my mettle on more levels that I can even begin to imagine. Quite frankly, it scares the breath right out of me and yet somewhere along the line, I have a sense that I made an agreement long ago that this is something that I must do.

And do it I will. Long ago I learned that forever is a very long time, and that by the yard it’s hard, but by the inch it’s a cinch. I’m going to just skip the forever-is-hard part because it’s scary and instead, I’ll stick with the one-day-at-a-time inch by inch plan. Though I creep along at turtle speed, each step moves me one inch closer to the goal. Patience is golden.

Why? Why do I do these things to myself? I guess I must think that I have something left to learn, or that I need to give myself an upgraded opportunity to move off the dime and trend upward on the spiral of personal evolution.

Whatever the reason, I vacillate between love and fear—I love the excitement, the exhilaration of stretching myself and striving to live up to my own expectations, and yet simultaneously scare myself to pieces at the thought of failure and letting myself down again. Is this a test? I’ve heard it said that it’s always easier if you know in advance that it’s a test.

The truth is, I’m never happier than when I am writing. A commitment to a daily writing routine, though a stretch, bolsters my sense of connection with my spiritual Self, primes the pump of creativity to allow for a continuous flow of content, strengthens my will and self-discipline, builds self-confidence, and I can’t wait to find out whatever other gifts lie in store as I dig deeper. As for motive, another story for another day. So many more days.

It’s a journey and an adventure. I never know what’s coming. Sometimes it can be a little nerve wracking. But it helps me to remember a quote from The Voice in A Night Without TV: “Write your own story. Tell your own truth. Say it like it is in your world and do not concern yourself with how it is perceived. Judgment is not your job. Your job is simply to write.

Have faith and trust the wisdom of your heart for it will never let you down. Though it may not always be clear in the moment, in time you will know. Have patience. Be still and know.

Note: The beautiful image and meme above is courtesy of New Waves of Light (nwol.us).

Follow Your Heart Home

This morning I found myself asking why I have suddenly decided to renew a commitment to write a daily blog. As I sort through the myriad of answers, I discover that yet again I experience some of the same-old, same-old hitches in my git-along that I thought (hoped) were long gone. Guess not. An intertwined mixture of altruistic and egotistic reasons drift by. I don’t always like what I see, but if I can see it, I can change it. Again. Sigh. I thought I already had.

This morning as I sat struggling with today’s blog and asking myself the eternal “why” question I pondered whether or not my efforts are worth it. It was just about then that I received validation in the form of an email telling me that someone had just pushed the “follow” button on Voices in my Head. Ah. Maybe the effort is worth the effort after all. In case you are wondering, Christian, that was you. Thank you.

Part of my wondering process brought to mind another question—or maybe more of a concern. Is a daily blog too much? Does it clog up an already-clogged inbox and incite one to delete, delete, delete? Egotistically, of course, I’d love it if everyone would read and hang on to every word I write. Realistically, however, that ain’t never gonna happen and understandably so, because there is not a blog in the world that will appeal to everyone, most especially the type of which I write.

I speak to you from the heart because I know that beneath the skin, we are all one in spite of the appearance of our differences. And yet in spite of our many varieties, inside we are part of the same family, brothers and sisters living together in the vast universe that we call home. We need to take care of each other, and we need to take care of our home.

I guess that I just answered my own question. Yes, it’s worth the effort because you all are my family and I love you. I want the best for you. I want you to love yourself as much as I love you. Ah. There’s the altruistic part. That’s the part of myself that I love the most.

As you navigate your way through this strange and baffling time in which we live, I hope that you know that you are loved and supported by a myriad of people in the world who carry a torch to light your path and help you find your way through the dark to your true home.

Follow the light and it will lead you to boundless love and irrepressible joy.

Love and blessings to all!

Note: The beautiful image and meme above are courtesy of New Waves of Light (nwol.us).

In Search of Truth

My current favorite pandemic meme came straight from of jaws of Facebook and suggests that perhaps God is sending us all to our rooms to give us time to consider what we’ve done.

Oh my. Well that could be a scary thought.

Oh? And why is that?

Well, duh. It could bring up all sorts of hidden stuff like guilt, and what I did wrong, and what I didn’t do that I should have, and what I did that I shouldn’t have. You know stuff like that.

That is true. And would that be such a bad thing?

Well it wouldn’t be very much of a comfort. I mean, after all, who wants to see the parts and pieces of themselves that they’ve been hiding from for a lifetime?

Ah. Perhaps you speak of the ego, the personality, the “small” self of the individual that feels disconnected from the larger Self. And speaking of disconnection, We sense that you have allowed yourself to drift off into the world of ego and are considering the impact of today’s writing upon the reader.

Oops. You would be correct.

May we remind you that your task is to simply write? There is no need for you to judge the words, nor how they may be perceived by those who read them.

Thank you. But it is still a little tempting to get a bit squirrely about whether or not I’ll be considered nuts.

We understand. And again, We remind you that what others think of you is irrelevant, for they will see you through the lens of their own perspective. We know that remnants of self-doubt occasionally rise up and play a role in your actions, choices, and decisions, and clearly, We see that this is one such occasion. We applaud the progress that you have made thus far in releasing this obstacle that occasionally stands in the way of your peace of mind, and for the courage it takes for your willingness to be transparent. Under these circumstances it is natural then, that a sense of hesitancy still exists.

Again, you would be correct. But I’ll get over it. Today for the first time since the pandemic lock-down, there is a bit of structure to my day and I need to get on the move. But I promised myself that I would blog every day, and today, this is it. How do I feel about it? I don’t know. But I’ll push the publish button anyway, and let the chips fall where they may. There are lessons to be learned in every situation, and I’m happy to learn mine, no matter now comfortable or uncomfortable they may be.

Thanks Pandemic for this opportunity to stop and consider what I have done. Oh—and to love and forgive myself for whatever it is that I think I may have done wrong.

Happy Easter everyone. May we rise up together into a glorious new beginning!

PS: If you are dazed and confused by what you just read (if in fact you even made it this far), it may be because you missed the last one or two blogs. Reading them will put this one in context.

Note: The beautiful image and meme are courtesy of New Waves of Light (NWOL.us).

Listening to the Whispers

Well it’s another day, I’m back, and for me that’s quite an accomplishment. I seem to have a history of making these insanely impulsive promises to myself in moments of expanded consciousness only to welsh on myself soon thereafter. It’s maddening, really. And depressing.

Just yesterday, for example, I stuck my neck out and made a commitment to sit myself down every day and write a blog. While I was at it I blared it out loud not just to myself but also to you, whoever you are, who is reading this self-confession right now. It is no surprise then that today I awoke after a sleepless night of worrying about whether I’ll pull it off, or if I’ll have anything to say, or if I’ll welsh on myself yet again. It prompts me to ask myself the question, “OMG—What have I done?”

Enter self-doubt. What am I going to do? What am I going to write? How am I going to fill up the blank space of a white screen with anything worth saying or reading? It transports me right back to that day decades ago when I asked myself the same questions and heard the words, “It doesn’t matter. Just write.” So I did. And I loved doing it. It was exhilarating.

Why did I stop? That question boiled down to a one-word answer. Fear. Fear of what? Success? Failure? Embarrassment? Self-exposure? Check all of the above? Whatever it was, it stopped me dead in my tracks and the fruits of those many long hours of writing ended up in the jaws of the neighborhood trash truck.

Well that was then and this is now, and I’m happy to report that I’m a lot whole older and wiser than I was then and now I have reached a point in life where none of the old self-doubts matter much anymore. Hallelujah! Free at last! What a feeling!

Somewhere between now and a rather sleepless night of worry about how I would manage to honor this impulsive, brash recommitment to daily writing and publishing, I felt an inner nudge of encouragement that said, “You can do it. Just do it.” Ahh—the gentle whisper of the Voice.

So here I am again, back at a keyboard facing a blank screen, but this time, I’m not the least bit concerned about what anyone might think. Somewhere deep within I know that finally, finally, I am doing what I am supposed to be doing not just for myself, but also for anyone else who has ever struggled with some of the myriad of obstacles that stand in the way of their realization of joy and happiness.

It’s not just about writing. It’s so much more than that. It’s about the will and desire to move out from behind the shadow of the ego and into the light of Truth that lies within. It is about planting seeds of hope and spreading inspiration and encouraging to my brothers and sisters in this world to have faith that in spite of appearances, everything is going to be all right. Truly, it will.

That said, I bid farewell for today with a promise that I will be back again tomorrow and hope that I will see you then. Before I go though, I must ask myself a question or two.

Did I get it right? Is it perfect? Does it need to be perfect? Does it even matter? No. The only thing that really matters is that today I listened to the whispers of the Voice within and did what I am supposed to do. What about you? Are you listening for the whispers that have the answers to the questions of your heart? Is there something that you can do for yourself today that will make you feel really good about yourself when you go to bed tonight? If not today, then perhaps tomorrow?

Till we meet again, I wish you many blessings of love and peace.

Note: The beautiful image and meme above are courtesy of New Waves of Light (nwol.us).