I had a little chat with my friend (the one who plans to buy a gun) and without going into great detail, it turns out that our differing interpretations of the meaning of yesterday’s blog (Faith Trumps Fear) was Venus and Mars. I thought that such misperceptions only happened between men and women, but apparently, I was wrong. That happens a lot. That I’m wrong, I mean.
As the last child in my family, I often did not feel heard so I learned to stuff my words back down my throat to avoid choking on the disappointment of not having my needs met. My inability to understand my feelings and express my thoughts became the undoing of my failed marriages, but thankfully, after decades of trial and error, I have learned a great deal.
Oh, there were lots of errors—sometimes comical, sometimes painful, and often they came wrapped up as a combination platter. In one of my marriages, my husband and I developed what we called the two-week rule, a tool that we used in the midst of an argument, or anytime that we faced a weighty issue that affected both of us. It gave us two weeks of radio silence to mull over options and consequences and seek answers from within.
At the end of one such period, my husband’s conclusion was that he was leaving. “WHAT? What do you MEAN that you’re leaving? That’s not what we were supposed to be thinking about,” I bellowed. “That’s what we were thinking about and that’s my decision” he replied. “Noooo—we were thinking about whether we would invite your son to come and stay with us for a while.” Talk about the mother of all miscommunication!
So, he packed up and left. But it didn’t last long. He was back later that evening at which point I wanted to throw him out again. We laughed about it later, but it wasn’t very funny at the time.
Hmmm. Why did I wander down this road, I wonder? Is there a point? Does it have to do with being wrong? Or communication? Or telling the truth? Or check all of the above? Or Maybe it’s just a way to crack open the door and take a peek to see if there is room for improvement to be made anywhere along the line.
There is truth and then there is Truth, and it takes conscious effort to decipher one from the other, to discern the difference between the voice of the self and the Voice of the Soul. Communication on every level is a skill, a fine art. To be successful it must be learned, studied, rehearsed, practiced. But mostly it requires honesty with one’s self. It’s a trial and error process. Will there be mistakes? Absolutely! Will there be wrong turns? Of course. I’m an expert in both, but even in wrong turns, there is great value. But like anything truly worth having, it is truly worth working for.
Oh—and as a side benefit, it may even eliminate a few trips to Venus or Mars and save a marriage or two.
Note: The photo above is courtesy of New Waves of Light, a website designed by anonymous individuals around the world who share the intention of bringing light and love to a world of darkness and chaos. (newwavesoflight.org or NWOL.us).