Chatting with My Self

Well here we go again – another adventure into a moment of the unknown.  Blank page, blank mind, blinking cursor, can’t wait to see what’s coming my way.

May We suggest that you stop thinking and start writing?

That’s easy for you to say.

It’s easy for you to write.  Please continue.

Would love to.  No idea what to write about.

Anything.  Just write anything.

Hmmm.  Seems to me we have a little dé·jà vu here.  Been there, done that.  A bazillion times.

You’re stalling again.

Yes.  I am.  Trying to figure out what to write.

Overthinking is the enemy.  Just write.  We hear your censorship of thoughts, the continual evaluation of what is “safe” to say and what seems risky.  We realize that courage is required to bare one’s soul aloud, so to speak, and while doing so in private is one thing, it is quite another to speak publicly so that others may hear.  We understand your hesitancy to expose your innermost thoughts in light of the possibility of the judgment of others and the possible misperception of meaning.  And We see that you are stuck in overthinking again.  Would you care to have a word?

Sure, thanks.  (Note: blinking cursor marks stare-at-blank-screen time).  Yep.  Stalling again.

Why would that be?

Because there is so much to say and I don’t think that I want to say any of it?

And why would that be?

Well, You said it for me.  Fear of judgment and misperception.

Ah.  If you allow fear to stand as an obstacle to the fulfillment of purpose, you will fail before you begin.  Have you considered the possibility that it is not the fear of others that concerns you, but rather the fear of yourself?

Huh?  I don’t get it.

If you look back at your life, you may begin to discern that you are the one standing in the way of your own progress.  You are the one creating the fear that stops you in you in tracks.  You are the one who has allowed concern about what others might think to hide the truth of who you are from the world.  We know who you are.  You cannot hide from Us.  We invite you to quit hiding from yourself, and gather the courage to show yourself to the world.

Huh.  Yesterday, my friend Nancy gave me two words that helped me to put this whole scary daily writing adventure into perspective.  Spiritual Practice.  Odd that I never thought of it myself, but then, I don’t always see things as clearly as I’d like.  As I ask myself day after day why I have chosen to accept this assignment, it occurs to that though there are many reasons, one stands out among all others—at least for this moment—and that is to learn to delete “attachment to outcome” as an obstacle to doing what I am meant to do.  Whatever anyone may think, perceive, or judge about this little journey of mine is none of my business.  My job here is to simply do it and have faith that it’s all just exactly as it should be.

So there!!!  Now all I have to do now is muster up the courage to push the publish button.  Well, I always did enjoy pushing a button or two to see what happens . . .

So here we go—Wheeee!

Thank you Nancy.  Thank you God.